Shattering the God's Within
Chapter 9
"Facing the Wounded Self"

When pseudo gods shatter, we feel abandoned and are forced to face our   
wounded self, with all its pathos, chaos, and hopelessness.

Describing a client who had everything going for her and then found out   
she had cancer, Dr. Allen says "the hardest thing of all was facing the   
hurt and woundedness in herself.  She felt empty, angry, depressed---as   
if the lights had gone out in her life.  She wanted to scream and cry.   
 When our pseudo gods shatter, our inner self also shatters."

"Persons are sacred and must be approached with awe and respect.  Their   
inner life is even more sacred.  Whenever we deal with a person's wounded   
self, we must approach it cautiously and reverently.  In truth, human   
beings are more fragile than we care to admit.  When dealing with the   
wounded self, it is important to have some type of structure, guidance,   
and support."

"In order to break a pseudo god's tyranny over us, we must face our   
woundedness.  What are we to do?"

"Jesus addressed this question when a lawyer came to him and asked, "What   
should I do to have meaning in this life and beyond?"  In other words,   
"How can I live the good life?  How can I make sense of all that is going   
on within me, in my family, and around me?"  "In reply, Christ asked,   
"What is written in the law?  (Luke 10:26).

"In reply to Jesus' question, the lawyer said, "Love the Lord God with   
all your  heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and   
with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27)

"Jesus said, "You have answered correctly; do this and you will live."
Wishing to justify himself, the lawyer asked, "Who is my neighbor?"

"Jesus answered by telling a story.  He said that a certain man was   
traveling from Jerusalem through the valley to Jericho.  And while   
traveling, he was attacked and wounded by thieves who stripped him and   
left him bleeding beside the road.  A priest passed by, but his thinking   
went something like this"    Maybe if I stop to help him, the same guys   
who robbed him will rob me.  He crossed to the other side of the street   
and beat a hasty retreat.  A Levite, another person who served in the   
temple, came by.  With the same kind of thinking, he crossed the road,   
too, and went his way.  You can imagine the pathos in this injured man's   
heart as, through the corner of his eye, he envisioned those who were a   
part of his life, a part of his culture, a part of  his faith, leaving   
him dying beside the road.  It is painful to be rejected, but it is   
particularly hurtful to be rejected by someone who is supposed to care   
for you.

"The wounded man now started lose to hope.  In the distance he saw a   
Samaritan man, a man of different race, coming on a donkey.  He probably   
thought, "If my own people wouldn't help me in a time of need, there is   
no way on earth this stranger is going to do anything."  "But the   
Samaritan dismounted his donkey, cleaned the man's wounds with wine and   
oil, bandaged them, put him on his donkey and took him to a small inn--a   
place of caring, perhaps a clinic.  He stayed with him a while, then left   
money for further treatment.  He even promised to pay more, if necessary,   
when he returned.

"Jesus then asked the young lawyer, "Who in truth is this man's   
neighbor?"  The lawyer replied, rightfully, "The one who showed mercy   
toward him."

"I see a significant application for this story, in light of our desire   
to abandon our pseudo gods.   Although we have been aware that there is   
woundedness in our country, our state, our community, our church and our   
family, now we are brought face-to-face with the woundedness of our own   
self."

"We are all broken people.  We have adequate parts and inadequate parts.   
 No matter who we are or how powerful we are, there is a side of   
ourselves we find difficult to put together.  It is our wounded self.   
 Throughout our lives we have heard voices saying, "You are not good   
enough!," You are so stupid, and You'll never make it".  "We have spent a   
lifetime repressing our hurt self and developing a false self to protect   
us.  In doing so we project arrogance and a false sense of confidence to   
cover up our insecurity."

 -----"Many of us are wounded and do not even realize it.  In fact, some   
of us are destroying ourselves and are not even aware
of it".--------

No Help from the Religious Pretender
"Along comes the priest.  In those days the priest was the ultimate in   
religious, cultural, political, educational, and medical sophistication.   
 He was supposed to have the answers.  But after taking one look at the   
bloodied, wounded man, he crossed the road and walked away."

"I suggest that the priest himself was wounded and was caught in a   
conflict between his defensive false self and his repressed, wounded   
self.  Repressing his real self, he split off his wounded inadequate   
parts.  Upon seeing the wounded man, the priest was confronted, perhaps   
for the first time, with his own wound.  But disavowing his woundedness,   
he split it off and projected it on to the wounded man.  At this point,   
the wounded man reflected back to him his own woundedness."

"Sometimes we hold onto our so-called adequate parts and split off our   
inadequate wounded parts.  Then we project them onto our wife, husband,   
children, or our coworkers.  Anybody who is weak, like the wounded man in   
the story, becomes the receptacle for our wounded projections.  We get   
away from them as soon as we can in the midst of saying, "God bless you"   
 But who are we fooling?

No Help From the Social Activist
"Then comes the Levite.  He was the one who served in the temple -- the   
quintessence of doing good.  He was the epitome of social action.  But   
yet again, splitting off his wounded part, projecting it onto the wounded   
man, he escaped with his false self.  Many of our so-called "social   
interventions," though excellent in methodology, ignore the person and   
become bureaucratic defenses against dealing with people's problems.   
 Often behavior is influenced by the types of moral reasoning we   
espouse."

Learning the Samaritan Way
"Like the priest and the Levite, we need an ethic that emphasizes the   
meaning of community and the development of personal values in our lives.   
 We need to relearn the good Samaritan way.  It is important to remember   
that in times of cultural crises and transition, like those in which he   
lived, our first duty is to reaffirm basic truth.  There are ten   
components to the Samaritan way, and they provide a helpful framework by   
which to face the wounded self."

The Samaritan Way is Based on Love
"As the Samaritan reached out to help the wounded man, so God's love   
reached out to us in His Son, who came down to live among us, to identify   
with and share our pain.  His unconditional love gives us the grace to   
face our hurt selves and to move beyond our false defensive selves.  It   
allows us to face our adequate and inadequate selves and our accepted and   
rejected parts.  It allow us to confront our pain so that we become whole   
persons.  God's love liberates us from the repression, splitting, and   
projection of our woundedness.  But his love must also be translated into   
love for one another."

The Samaritan Way Appreciates the Ordinary
"The Samaritan did not set out that morning to do a good deed.  He was   
going about his ordinary tasks.  It we are going to heal ourselves and   
our neighbors, we need to recognize that there is meaning and hope in our   
ordinary hearts, homes, families, and places of work.  And as we use   
whatever ordinary wine and oil we happen to have with us, they are given   
healing power."

The Samaritan Way Is One of Compassion
"Unless we can feel the pain and woundedness in our own  heart, it is   
difficult to see the woundedness of other people.  As people of faith,   
unless we accept our brokenness and pain, it will be hard for us to see   
the pain in the face of our child, our wife, or our husband.  The   
Samaritan man was able to reach out to the wounded man because he was in   
contact with his whole self.  He didn't need to split off and project his   
woundedness.  Instead, he moved toward the hurt man in compassion."

The Samaritan Way Is Courageous
"Yes, there is danger around.  But when we see that we have a mission to   
perform, we move on in spite of the danger.  Courage is not the absence   
of danger but the ability to act in spite of it.  With faith, we   
recognize that if God is for us, who can be against us?"

The Samaritan Way Accepts Differences
"The Samaritan recognized that he and the wounded man were of different   
races.  Nonetheless, he was able to accept the differences between   
himself and the injured man.  He did not allow those differences to   
hinder his mission of healing."

The Samaritan Way Requires Humility
"There is no healing without humility.  The Samaritan had to get down of   
his donkey.  Likewise, we have to get off our donkeys of arrogance,   
donkeys of "it can't happen to me," donkeys of "I am better than you."   
 We have to get down to feel the pain and pathos in our hearts; to own   
the wounded child inside us.
Only in humility are we able to face our hurt selves."

The Samaritan Way Requires Us to Be Prepared
"The Samaritan had oil, wine, bandages, and cash with him, which enabled   
him to help the wounded man.  Abraham Lincoln said, "I must prepare   
myself, because my time will come."  As we become prepared in our   
devotional life, in the arts, in education, and in our willingness to   
serve, our time will come--probably when we least expect it."

"In 1970, my very first patient was a lady who saw beautiful pink and   
green rabbits jumping around my office.  Before long I found that she was   
suffering from cocaine addiction.  That first case at Harvard began the   
preparation that would enable me to understand and confront the onslaught   
of crack cocaine.  Could it be that reading this book is God's way of   
preparing you for what you are about to face in your own heart?"

"It has been my experience that God's love often prepares us for what we   
have to face.  But often we refuse to take advantage of the opportunities   
for preparation given to us."

The Samaritan Way Deals with Service
Getting off his donkey, the Samaritan took out his oil and his bandages   
and helped the wounded man.  What a beautiful picture of service.   
 However, sometimes it is much easier to serve others than to heal the   
wounds in our own heart.  Have you stopped to feel the anger, hurt, and   
bitterness inside you?  Have you stopped to bandage your own wounds, to   
open your heart in prayer, to allow God's Spirit to bring healing to your   
own life?  Until you begin to minister to yourself, you will not be able   
to bring healing to anyone else."
"Service is reciprocal.  Our ability to serve is often matched by our   
openness to be served.  Facing your wounded self may mean being open to   
let someone help you."

The Samaritan Way Requires Follow-Through
We see the Samaritan putting the patient on his donkey and taking him to   
an inn.  Many of us prepare ourselves and stop to serve, but we don't   
follow through.  We don't complete the task.  The good Samaritan took the   
wounded man to a medical clinic, paid for him, and stayed with him.  He   
followed through in his caring, he followed through in his service.  Have   
you followed through?
"Facing our woundedness and working through our pain is not a one-shot   
deal.  We have to follow through and keep at it.  Our hurts can become   
rungs in the ladder to our love story, but only if we consistently work   
through them, opening ourselves to listen to and obey the lessons they   
teach.

The Samaritan Way Involves Accountability
When the Samaritan left the clinic he said, "Here's some money, but when   
I come back I'll pay the rest.  I am accountable. I'm taking the   
responsibility for this man."  It is vital to our healing that we   
recognize our accountability to God, ourselves, our neighbors, our   
family, and to each other.  The call to be accountable, in spite of pain,   
is the true test of faith."

"Europe had a serious cocaine epidemic in the late 1800s.  In 1907, there   
were so many cocaine addicts in America that an atmosphere of   
hopelessness prevailed, causing some people to give up and cry, "Let the   
cocaine fiends die."  In 1914, the Harrison Act was passed banning   
cocaine.  But then we forgot.  We were not accountable, and by 1991 we   
had a worse cocaine problem than ever before.  Both follow-through and   
accountability could have prevented the present tragic epidemic.

"Facing the wounded self means following up on our issues.  Not to do so   
is to take the risk of repeating our hurts and inflicting pain on those   
we love."

"Is your wounded self crying out to you through anger, depression,   
addiction, a sexual problem, a financial problem?  For years, your hurt,   
wounded self has been pleading for your help.  If you refuse to help it,   
one day it will stop crying out.  It won't go away, but something inside   
you will die.  Your heart will harden.  Your life will be ruled by pseudo   
gods.  I encourage you to own your pain, reach out to yourself, and   
refuse to turn away from your own woundedness.  Until your broken, real   
self is cared for, you will have little to offer your family, your   
friends, your church, or your community.  And you will find yourself   
forever yearning, turning toward those spellbinding false gods who   
promise such pleasure and deliver nothing but pain."