Shattering the God's Within Chapter 8 "Extraordinary Illusions" In this chapter Dr. Allen goes into the pseudo gods of our attraction to the extraordinary and our desire for permanence. When we desire to have extraordinary lives, we are perpetually dissatisfied with what we have, and we constantly dream of a higher plane of existence. These dreams actually impoverish us. They can actually pull us away from the talents we possess and cause us to not take advantage of the opportunities we are given. There is a cute saying that goes around psychological circles, "The neurotic builds castles in the air, the psychotic lives in them, and then the psychiatrist comes and collects the rent." "The bane for the extraordinary makes us feel grandiose and drives us to build castles in the sky without the proper foundation." "The worship of the extraordinary manifests itself in several obvious ways. The first has to do with how we view ourselves." The Grandiose Self "The grandiose self is a psychiatric term. It has to do with the difference between parental or societal expectations for an individual and that person's actual accomplishments. The gap between the expected level of achievement and what is actually achieved, is the grandiose self." "Many of us carry an overbearing grandiose self that never gives us a moment's rest. It forces us to live under the authority of certain expectations that have been placed upon us. When we don't achieve those superimposed goals, we punish ourselves." "Many adults are still trying to gain the approval of their fathers." (NOTE: I know, for me, this is true. In fact, my relationship with my father is severely hampered because of the fact that nothing I do is good enough for him) Our Own Worst Enemy "Sometimes we place unrealistic demands upon ourselves. Many of us place extreme burdens of perfectionism and ambition on ourselves because we fear inadequacy." The dreams we allow to exist in our hearts become forceful motivators, but they also can castigate us. When we do not reflect on our dreams, checking them from time to time against reality, they may goad us into frustration and failure. Good, honest friends can be helpful to us when we need to make reality checks." "Some of the dreams we treasure can be sheer fantasy, but once those fantasies are internalized in our heart, they subconsciously drive us. In our quest for perfection, we forget to do what we can do best." The media, with its focus on the rich, the famous, and the unbelievable, magnifies this tendency." Dr. Allen tells a story of a girl who would watch commercials on TV, featuring tall thin models. Then being inspired, would go by clothes that were too small for her. Her rationale was that if she bought them smaller than her actual size, their presence in her closet would motivate her to lose weight. So there she was, slightly plump with a closet full of clothes that didn't fit her, living in a fantasy world. Driven by Personal Ambition "Personal ambition is a great motivating force. It may spring from a sense of inadequacy, but it can also belong to a person who is extremely talented and wants to achieve his or her best. The problem is that once we climb onto the merry go round of personal ambition, it never stops revolving. The more we achieve, the more achievement we crave." "In pushing ourselves, we sometimes end up living the Peter Principal. This means we try to function at a level beyond our competency. When that happens, we self-destruct. Yet our desire for success, often driven by feelings of inadequacy, causes us to stretch beyond our capacity for quality performance." "A chronic sense of inadequacy is a prevalent problem. For those of us who are achievement-oriented, it is a major motivating force in our lives. It is imperative that we review our goals in the clear light of reality. We need to allow our personal ambitions to motivate us, not cause us to lose faith in ourselves. The sacredness of the extraordinary drives us to achieve tremendous things, but in doing so it robs us of our basic humanity. It makes us lose faith in our own talents and our potential." We say to ourselves "Unless I can come up with a world class performance, I won't try at all!" "Jesus was attending a wedding feast in Cana when the good wine ran out. His mother came to him and said, "Look, they have no wine." He told the stewards to fill their existing water pots. When they did so, He then turned the water into the best possible wine." (John 2:1-10) "A profound principle is illustrated there. We should start with what we have--in other words, don't throw away your water pots. Fill them with ordinary, ever day water. Use what you have, and leave the rest to God. As the Word teaches, when we are faithful in small things, the Lord blesses with greater things. It is He, not us, who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask or imagine." Bigger is Better Some churches have a "bigger is better" mentality. You may find a nice, ordinary church with a beautiful fellowship and a cohesive community. Then, with growth in mind, they construct a bigger building. There is more financial strain for the church, which means there is less money for local social action or for missions. Before long, the church becomes focused on fund raising and spiritual coldness sets in. -------Perhaps the desire for growth should be implemented in individual hearts, not in quantities of worshippers.------- "Families can succumb to "bigger is better" too. We have a tiny summer cottage which evolves into a big summer house. We buy a little sailboat, and before long we need a twenty-two-foot model. We start enjoying a weekend sport, an hour here, an hour there. Before long, it becomes a major sports investment, and our leisure or pleasure becomes a pseudo god in itself. The lust for the extraordinary kills our pleasure and detracts from the meaning of our existence." Seeking the Sensational "The temptation for the extraordinary is with us all the time. In our Lord's second temptation, He was told to throw Himself down from a pinnacle so the angels of God could rescue Him. Here we see the temptation for sensationalism. Our Lord replied to the evil one, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test" (Math 4:7). "Jesus did perform many sensational miracles, but His rejection of Satan's idea indicates that He knew that the true meaning of life can never be found in the sensational. "Humans tend to crave miraculous revelation and spirituality. We want a one-in-a-million experience. We want someone to bring a superb, transforming relationship into our lives. We want to find a church that provides a perfect ambiance and community. Where does that lead us? Back to our false self, to our fake-it-till-you-make-it facade. The trouble is, as with any other pseudo god, the bottom drops out of the quest for the sensational, and we are back to facing our actual self." "Mary was a poor servant girl, a simple girl, but she had space for God in her life, and our Lord came. And when the time came for the birth of the child, although there was no room at the inn, the animals made space. The God of the universe was born in a manger. So it is with our everyday lives: when we make space for God, He comes." "A little boy gave up his lunch--five loaves and two fishes. It was a small offering, but when he gave what he had to our Lord, it fed more than five thousand people." "David brought his ordinary sling when facing Goliath, the everyday sling he'd used all his life. With God's strength and a handful of common stones, he killed a giant." "Moses was educated in the Pharaoh's palace but had to leave the country in disgrace. After committing murder, feeling rejected, he lost his self-confidence. He was watching sheep on the back side of the mountain when he encountered God in the burning bush. God called him from his shepherding responsibilities and empowered him to do some of the most spectacular miracles ever recorded in history." "When room is made for God in our ordinary lives, extraordinary things happen. But they happen on His terms, in His time, and with His power. The principal is ironclad: His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corin 12:19)" The Illusion of Permanence "Whether we are facing narcissism or the pseudo god of conformity or the desire to "feel good" or the worship of the extraordinary, connected to all these pseudo gods is the illusion that things will always stay the same. As we develop our pseudo gods, this is part of the seduction process. ------" A constriction of reality is accomplished through denial "------ "Denial is not just a negative psychological defense mechanism. It is also a technique that we utilize in every aspect of our lives. For example, we know that we will die someday. Through a healthy denial process we are able to keep death out of our minds, living our lives without consciously thinking about dying." "The wounded feelings in our hearts are powerful, terrible feelings. Sometimes they are overwhelming. In order to deal with them, we create illusions. Unlike hallucinations, an illusion contains a real object. The problem is that we misinterpret what that real object is. For example, a piece of paper flying in the sky can be conceived of as an angel. The object is real--an actual piece of paper. However, it is an illusion to say that the piece of paper is an angel." "We can call the pseudo gods discussed in this book illusions. These illusions distract us from the hurt and pain of life. And the illusion of permanence is a powerful phenomenon that not only causes us to develop other pseudo gods, but also functions as a pseudo god itself." "Prayer is the only thing that makes it possible for us to break our illusions and to face reality. So, we move from loneliness to solitude, from hostility to hospitality, then finally from illusion to prayer. Prayer is fellowship with God. We only learn to pray when we realize our need for prayer. Prayer is God speaking through us, witnessing to the meaning and purpose of life. "Prayer does not blind us to the world but transforms our vision of the world." Illusion in the Face of Death "Recognizing the transitory nature of life, we try to create an illusion of permanence. This illusion manifests itself in a number of ways. First, we use it to counteract the fear of death." "The experience of death is never easy, and it is amazing how we subtly defend against its harsh reality. We rarely think about or discuss our own death, and when death does confront us, we try to reduce its effect upon us as quickly as possible." "Like the coming seasons death arrives whether we are ready for it or not." "Last Christmas my friend's son died. It was a tremendous shock. As my friend and I faced each other, he said to me, "All my dreams were tied up with that boy. We had planned to do many things together, even to go into business. This can't be real. This just can't have happened!" "As the hours ticked by, the realization hit him---and me---that the boy was really dead. During that time of quiet conversation I realized that we were not just talking about my friend's son. My friend was talking about himself. He was talking about me. He was talking about my children. The fragility of life was ever so much before us." Business As Usual "Just as we don't like to face death, we don't always face the variables that can affect our business. We don't really look at the facts and figures. We assume that the real estate market will always be booming, that there won't be a depression or recession. We make grandiose plans based on the seducing vision of an unchanging world. With that illusion, we create lofty goals, we expand our business, we increase our expenses. Then we find that there is no such thing as permanence. It is important to pay attention to the variables in any business venture, dealing in and with truth and not in denial." Some people who have labored their whole life and become rich and powerful also become tyrants. Abusive to wives and children. The rag magazines are full of stories of divorces of the rich and famous. The stories we don't hear so much are those regarding the "once" rich and famous, but now destitute. Dr. Allen's point about the illusion of permanence is seen in some of the stories of people who have gained riches only to lose them when what was thought to be safe and secure shatters. Nature Takes Its Course It is easy for us to develop an illusion of permanence about nature. We have a difficult time envisioning major upheaval in the world around us, and it is easy to imagine that all things will continue as they are forever. In the summer of 1993 we saw severe flooding in the Midwest and devastating fires in California. As we watched those events, we felt a sense of vulnerability and disbelief. As the flooding Mississippi started to encroach upon one gentleman's major business investment, a small hotel, I watched him working furiously to put sandbags around his place. When he was interviewed, he told the newsman, "This is all I have. I've worked all my life for this." "In the face of such tragedy everything we hold dear suddenly feels fragile and uncertain. And it seems unbelievable, when a flood or a fire sweeps across modern America, that in spite of all our technology and expertise we are so helpless to combat it. Yet we have ways of creating denial and producing illusions of permanence which allow us to go on. Then comes the jolt. Facing impermanence is not easy. It is extremely painful but exceptionally important." "The reality is, despite our illusion of permanence, troubles come. It is so essential, when things are going well, that we provide support without judgment or complaint to those who are suffering. Most likely it is only a matter of time before we too will need someone to help us." "Human life is totally dependent, and our Creator meant it to be that way. We need Him. We need each other. And we need to remember that there are no ironclad promises that "skies will always be blue." The one thing we do know, however, is that no matter what comes our way, our Lord has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you" (He 13:5)." Moving Beyond Our Pseudo Gods "We have seen that it is easy to be seduced by the gods of our culture, whether they be narcissism, conformity, materialism, emotional experiences, sensational dreams, or the illusion of permanence. These false gods, in spite of their intrigue and allure, are destined to be shattered. They cannot survive. They cannot save us from our woundedness. They cannot forever usurp the sovereignty of the God, who is both jealous and just." "With that in mind, let us reestablish our commitment to our faith. Let us voluntarily cause our false gods to bow before the one true God, thus saving ourselves the devastation of their sudden and uncontrollable demise. Let us ban their destructive influence from our lives by conforming ourselves to God's priorities, by worshipping God and by serving each other." In the next chapter we begin to delve into facing our wounded self.