Shattering the God's Within
Chapter 7
Anger, Addiction and Sexuality

"Anger is one of the most abused and misunderstood of human emotions.  It   
has the potential to destroy us and our relationships, yet at the same   
time, it can be a force to enhance personal awareness.  Anger is a strong   
emotional reaction resulting from a sense of being wronged, threatened,   
or hurt.  In other words, where there is anger, look for the hurt trail."

"Anger can be constructive, or it can be destructive.  It is a warning   
system to our bodies that we are being threatened physically, socially,   
emotionally, intellectually, or perhaps even spiritually.  When we are   
threatened, our anger can lead to self-preservation by causing us to   
establish boundaries and assertiveness.  These can be appropriate   
expressions of anger.  (Be angry yet do not sin, Ephes 4:26).  There is   
no doubt that anger provides a warning, which in itself is healthy and   
can lead to conflict resolution and wise protective measures."

"Anger can also be destructive.  It is destructive when it leads to   
abuse.  It can be dangerous, even deadly, when we do not practice self   
control, violating the boundaries of others."

"However, anger is even more dangerous when it is pushed down inside.   
 Repressed anger results in resentment.  Resentment comes from two words:   
re, which means "again" and sentier, which means "to feel."  Resentment   
means that we are feeling the anger over and over again."

Dr. Allen goes through some vital facts we need to understand about anger   
they are:

1.  Anger is a temporary emotion.  We need to grab it at the time we feel   
it and work through it so it does not become internalized.

2.  Anger is most destructive to those close to us.  "When we love and   
become angry, we love to destroy those we love."

3.  Repressed anger acts like a vacuum cleaner, scooping up all other   
types of hurt feelings within the unconscious.  As a result, we associate   
anger with guilt, shame, and fear.  After awhile people who internalize   
their anger actually become defined by it.  We all know the person who   
brightens up a room just by leaving. :-)

It is Dr. Allen's belief that if we continue to nurse it, anger becomes a   
fertile ground for the demonic.   He describes evil as "any force or   
power which is anathema or destructive to  life."  When a person   
epitomizes anger through prolonged internalization, he or she becomes   
destructive in every aspect of life.

There are countless variations of angry behavior.  Some more common than   
others.  Can you recognize yourself in any of the brief sketches of   
negative anger below?

The Bomb
A person who has a loving personality.  This person has a long fuse.  Is   
hard working and sincere, and may be quite religious.  Tolerates   
frustration, handling it well, but when things reach a critical point,   
Bombs explode, displaying a tremendous amount of anger which is   
threatening to those around at the time.

The Deep Freeze
This individual utilizes the cold shoulder, or the silent treatment.  The   
method of choice is to punish the offender through silence and rejection.   
 This is sometimes used by both parties.  It wastes much energy, seldom   
solves problems, and ultimately produces even more anger and resentment.

The Velvet Harpoon Champion
These people hide anger and express it through verbal darts thrown in   
social settings.  When confronted, the Harpoon Champion innocently says,   
"Nothing is wrong!"  A classic example is an elegant lady at a special   
occasion who is always pleasant smiles sweetly and says to you in a stage   
whisper, "Do you think you are dressed appropriately for the occasion?"   
 Her comment  has a velvet feel and sounds harmless, but in a matter of   
moments it hits your heart with a sickening thump.  It is a velvet   
harpoon.

The Trivia Delight Champion
This person appears to become upset about minor irritations.  For   
example, someone forgets to put on the toothpaste cap or to take out the   
trash.  The ensuing argument disguises the real issues.  The Trivial   
Delight Champion focuses on something that is immaterial or   
insignificant, then seduces you into an argument during which a great   
deal of anger is expressed.  In fact, the argument never addresses the   
real issues that are behind the anger.

The Gotcha Game
This is the blame game.  Individuals who always blame one another for   
something that hasn't been done.  They maintain a score of trying to   
outdo the other person.  Such as a husband challenges his wife about   
whether she has paid a particular bill.  The wife, recognizing she is   
guilty, becomes defensive, then waits to get the husband back.  Later in   
the day, she demands, "Didn't you put gas in the car?"  Neither the bill   
nor the gas is the real source of anger; it is masked by those smaller   
irritations.

The Gang Fighter
This person is only able to express anger in a group or gang.  He may   
seem pleasant enough in a one-on-one situation.  But once he is with   
friends, he becomes vicious and aggressive.

The Provocateur
This is a very cunning person.  He or she gains your confidence, draws   
out your innermost secrets, and stores them.  Then, when we least expect   
it, the Provocateur pours it all back on you.  You can't deny having said   
it.  But this person calculatingly uses your secrets against you.

When we  become angry, we give our feelings god-like status.  With   
righteous indignation, we feel empowered, thinking the world will now   
listen to us.  Anger gives us a sense of narcissistic entitlement.

Dr. Allen sees anger as major pseudo god in our culture.  "Many of us are   
really angry"  "Our inner cities are filled with people who have been   
hurt all their lives.  Seething anger is stored within them; they are   
dynamite waiting to explode.  The situation is further aggravated by   
crack addiction and other substance abuse problems."

"We need to make sure our anger bows before the almighty God.  Once anger   
is out of perspective it can be totally destructive."

Addiction is another powerful pseudo god of our culture.   Regardless of   
where I travel in the world, I come into contact with all kinds of   
addictions.  People are hooked on power, sexuality, drugs, relationships,   
gambling, food, spending money, or an array of other compulsions."

"My work with cocaine addicts has taught me a great deal about addictions   
of all kinds.  Obsession with power, sex, work, or money may become a   
self-perpetuating cycle much like alcoholism or drug addiction.  Whatever   
the pseudo god, a person seeks meaning in a substance or process of   
self-aggrandizement.  Instead of finding lasting inner satisfaction, the   
individual finds despair and dehumanization."

"In order to understand the issue of addictions, and in a larger sense,   
the issue of pseudo god worship, we have to look at the addiction cycle."

"Addiction is a state of compulsion, obsession or preoccupation that   
enslaves a person's will and desire. *** It is the attachment to a   
substance, thought, attitude or behavior*** that can continue consciously   
and unconsciously, even though the person recognizes it as destructive to   
his or her well-being.  In a way, addiction makes idolaters of us all in   
that it forces us to worship the objects of attachment, preventing us   
from freely loving God and one another.

"We have already discussed the inner void that develops in children who   
are not loved properly in their early months of life and their   
narcissistic compulsion to fill it.  The same void that drives us to   
pseudo gods drives us into addictive behavior."

"This internal pain---be it a void, sense of inadequacy, love hunger, or   
loss--manifests itself with shame, anxiety, guilt, depression, anger or   
boredom.  The troubled person seeks an anesthetic.  That can be anything   
that dulls the pain; drugs, alcohol, and sex are among the most common.   
 The anesthetic relieves the situation temporarily.  However, whatever   
the painkiller is, it always generates its own serious consequences, such   
as guilt, remorse, and dissatisfaction.  Overwhelmed, the addict returns   
to the anesthetic more intensely, which results in more pain and   
depression.  The need for more increasing amounts of the anesthetic is   
called tolerance.  In other words enough is never enough.

"In the Judeo-Christian tradition we are called to recognize our own   
inadequacy and to place our faith in the true God.  A counterfeit of this   
faith, then is addiction.  It is a manifestation of the sacredness of the   
affect; addiction is fed by our desire to feel good, or to stop feeling   
bad."

Worshipping the Goddess of Sexuality
"The goddess of sexuality marries the pseudo god of narcissism with the   
pseudo god of the affect.  Part if its attraction is the validating of   
the self, and part of it is simply the good feelings.  It is no wonder   
men and women are hooked on sex.  It is certainly difficult to avoid the   
temptations of inappropriate sexuality in a world that is literally   
driven by images of sensual attraction."  As Peter Kreeft says "Lust has   
fundamentally changes its origin in the modern world.  Lust used to come   
from the flesh, from the individual's fallen natural desires; now it   
comes also from the world, from the social conditioning."   "Buy the car   
get the girl"

"The underlying assumption today is that sexual fulfillment is a bona   
fide expression of human rights and freedom.  As a result, the subject of   
sexual addiction is a familiar one now with pop-psych authors, talk-show   
hosts, and soap operas."

Sexuality and Spirituality -- The God Connection
Connected to the issue of sexuality is the issue of spirituality.  In   
Freud's time, sexuality was repressed, whereas there was a somewhat overt   
spirituality.  In modern times all that has changed.  Today, for the   
first time in Western civilization, both sexuality and spirituality are   
unrepressed."

"How do we deal with these two powerful forces that sometimes seem to   
contradict each other?  How can sexuality and spirituality blend   
appropriately?  Since they both involve knowing self and others, and are   
influenced by a relationship with God, is it not conceivable that the   
issues get confused at times?

"My professional experience verifies the writings of M. Scott Peck and   
others, which state that spirituality and sexuality are deeply connected.   
 I have observed, for example, that women who have religious, genuinely   
spiritual convictions tend to also have a powerful sexuality.  It is as   
if the release of their faith causes a release of their sexuality.  Many   
people who are strongly sexual also have very deep spirituality and are   
exceptionally caring."

"Clearly it is possible to allow our sexuality to displace God in our   
hearts and minds.  Sexuality can become an addiction, like other pseudo   
gods, when it is used to assuage our own inner emptiness and cravings."

"Sexuality is always a form of relationship between persons.  And it   
becomes a healthy form of relationship when it enhances the meaning and   
dignity of both persons involved.  For people of faith, that involves   
certain moral restrictions, which prevent abuses.  But life is wounded,   
so our misguided narcissism can lose perspective.  Instead of enhancing   
the dignity of the other person, sex becomes an end in itself."

"If sexuality is taken out of its proper moral and spiritual perspective,   
it becomes an obsession or a pseudo god.  When that occurs, people are   
destroyed, cheapened , and dehumanized.  In a culture that has   
misinterpreted the spiritual and expressed the sexual, the situation   
becomes extremely confused.  People who are promiscuous may be acting out   
their deep yearning for God.  On the other hand, many of us who classify   
ourselves as spiritual have harshly repressed our sexuality because of   
fear and legalism.  Within the guidelines of our faith, we need to find   
the freedom to express ourselves without inhibition as we celebrate,   
within marriage, this wonderful aspect of our humanity."

Happiness is found in Service
Whatever our chosen method of "feeling good" may be, the sacredness of   
the affect is a significant pseudo god in our culture.  Everyone wants to   
feel good and be happy."

"To stabilize ourselves in mature spirituality means committing our lives   
to service and duty.  Happiness is not found in the worship of feelings.   
 To the contrary, as we reach beyond ourselves, beyond our untrustworthy   
and ever-changing emotions, we find ourselves in touch with the one true   
God.  Bowing in worship, we give Him permission to bring our emotions   
into agreement with His plan for our lives.  As we serve Him and serve   
others in His name, we are able to set aside our false selves, our false   
gods, and our unworthy dedication to "feeling good."