Shattering the God's Within

Chapter 3

Narcissim - The God of Self-Image

The main characteristics of narcissism are:  "Grandiosity, extreme   
self-involvment and lack of interest and empathy for others, in spite of   
the pursuit of others to obtain admiration and approval.  "Narcissists   
are people who are too busy proving their worth or more properly   
disproving their worthlessness to feel the love, appreciation and joy of   
human relationships.

Modern pressures on the home an dfamily cause children to have inadequate   
nurturing experiences, and many children today develop narcissitc   
tendencies in their personalities.

The two major developmental factors in narcissism are poor separation and   
individuation in childhood and childhood trauma. Once the umbilical cord   
is cut, the separation-individuation process begins.  The narcissist may   
be described as someone who figuratively plugs in the cut umbilical cord   
to a person or situation, meeting his or her own needs at the expense of   
others.  The overriding issue becomes, "What can you do for me?"

It is important to understand the various stages of development in order   
to trace our pseudo gods back to their beginnings. In fact, you may   
recognize some familiar behaviour patterns along the way.

BIRTH TO TWO MONTHS.

The child is in an autistic or primary narcissitic  state.  During this   
time the child is responsive solely to his or her own inner needs rather   
than being responsive to the external environment.  Having no   
consciousness of separation between the self and the world, the child   
experiences a sense of oneness with the world without any awareness of   
himself as a separate entity.  The child uses th eenvironment for his or   
h er own need gratification.  Simple as it may sound, children need love.

Environmental frustration at this stage, in the form of an absent or cold   
mother produces dangerous regresssion to a primary narcissistic state.   
 This malignant narcissism is associated with the development of   
psychopathic tendencies which involve little guilt or shame.  Later, the   
grown adult may hurt others with no sense of remorse or concern.

TWO TO FIVE MONTHS

In this symbiotic period, the child becomes psychologically bonded to the   
mother.  Again it is critical that the bonding process not be broken   
here, or major behavioural problems will result.  At this stage the child   
internalizes the mother to form his or her own ego.

SIX TO TEN MONTHS

This is a period of differentiation.  The child becomes aware of a   
boundary between himself and the mother.  Reality forces the child to   
give up the illusion that  he and his mother are one.  Losing his sense   
of omnipotence, the child is thrown into a feeling of helplessness.  If   
the child's development is arrested at this stage, a feeling of   
helplessness may persist into adulthood.  That is why the adult   
narcissist seeks to fuse with people and things.  The result is intense   
greed and/or a sense of always needing to find fulfillment in something   
outside himself.

TEN TO FIFTEEN MONTHS.

By now the child is movile, stands upright, and enters the practicing   
phase.  The excitement of his new world and the wish to explore it create   
an intense curiosity and less need for the mother.  Believing that  he   
possess his mother's "magical" powers, the infant becomes grandiose,   
omnipotently euphoric, and totally self involved, which are all traits of   
narcissism.  If damage occurs here, the child becomes fixated at this   
stage until adulthood.  He will use others to validate his illusion of   
grandiosity and omnipotence.

FIFTEEN TO TWENTY-FOUR MONTHS

The child enters the rapproachment phase.  In this phase the child rushes   
away from the mother to explore the world.  When his emotional fuel runs   
out, he becomes aware of his separation from his mother.  Fearing   
abandonment and sensing his own vulnerability, he runs back to the warmth   
and comfort of his mother's presence.  In this phase the child uses three   
defenses that relatte to narcissism.  If he is wounded at this point,   
these three defenses may carry on into his adult life.

1.  grandiosity and omnipotence of the practicing period give the child a   
false sense of invincibility and competence.  Often in adult narcissism,   
the individual has an inadequate sense of self and compensates for it by   
developing a false sense of grandiosity  and arrogance.

2.  The idealization of the mother and the illusion of possessing her   
"magical" powers later relate to an adult narcissist's tendency to   
idealize people.  This could lead to addictions and obsessions.

3.  the child at this time is unable to hold contrasting views of himself   
simultaneously and therefore splits off his "good" self from his "bad"   
self.  In narcissism, the person splits off the disavowed, negative   
images of himself and projects them on to others.  Furthermore the false   
self begins to develop.

TWENTY-TWO TO THIRTY MONTHS

The child now enters the phase of object constancy.  In this phase th   
echild internalizes the mother or mothering figure which stimulates the   
development of his identity.  He asserts himself by saying no and has a   
unified and realistic sense of himself and his caretaker.  The   
achievement of this sense of self leads to good frustration tolerance,   
clear identity, and the ability to feel comfortable with painful   
feelings.  Interruptions or arrested development results in easy   
frustration, poor sense of identity, and inability to cope with pain.

The development of a  healthy sense of self requires stability,   
consistency, and predictability in the child's environment.  All t often   
in a dysfunctional family, however, those qualities are absent, and the   
child does not properly internalize the mother.  Instead, an inner void   
is created in the child as manifested by severe love hunger, poor   
self-esteem, poor frustration tolerance, and inadequate identity   
formation.  If early needs for security wer enot met, the child develops   
increased narcissistic tendencies, feeling that he can never get enough   
love or attention.  The child will keep trying to use others to meet his   
needs, while giving back little in return.  As an adult h e will be   
unable to sustain lasting relationships, will develop a false image of   
himself and may be highly susceptible to addictions.

Children in the process of development are vulnerable to the stresses and   
strains of their environment.  When a child is hurt by loss, rejection,   
or abuse (physical, sexual or emotional), the child withdraws into   
himself.  Unable to cope with the pain, a chld represses the real hurt   
and develops a false self.

Children are also traumatized by over indulgence.  Giving too much to a   
child develops a sense of narcissistic entitlement. The child begins to   
believe that life owes him everything. In reality this is not true, so in   
time the child will become hurt, disappointed, and his sense of   
entitlement turns to narcissistic despair and depression.

Modern narcissistic philosophy has crept into the churches as they preach   
a prosperity gospel:  Serve God and you will be rich, healthy, and   
prosperous.  How starkly that contrasts with Christ who had to experience   
the cross, even though he served God faithfully.  Simalarly psychology,   
although promising to help a person self-actualize, may condone a total   
focus on the self.  This will cause the individual to become more   
selfish, self-centred, and unable to empathize with others.
 --------True self-actualization should always lead us beyond   
ourselves---------

As mothers and fathers worship at the throne of narcissism, the sense of   
sacrifice, intimate sharing and community bonding is a fast disappearing   
phenomenon.  As parents preach and act out "I want it my own way,"   
children follow suit  and live accordingly.  The end result is discord   
and dehumanization.


No real questions today, just a few comments


We live in a society that is described in II Tim 3:1-5.  This describes   
the narcissism that is rampant in our society today.  I think it   
important that as we examine ourselves, we find any root of narcissim in   
us and work at digging it out.

Healing is a process.  The key factor in overcoming the narcissistic   
tendencies any of us may  have (and I know I do) is deeply and   
prayerfully looking at your background --------- all the way back.   
 Asking questions to find out what was going on with your parents when   
you were a baby.

Next week:   "Conformity -- The God of Fitting In"