Valentines Day Thursday February 14, 2002
I am flying to Chicago to go to London. That doesn’t make sense does it? Our Travel agent thought it did, and it was not going to be changed no matter what I wanted. Oh well better that than nothing. It will add another nine hours to our already exhausting trip. I thought it was nice though, to look out the window and see three of the Great Lakes shorelines. It was snowing in Canada. Tariq is our traveling companion. He hasn’t been home to Pakistan in 5 years and his wife and 2 daughters are anxious to see him. He will soon be taking oath as a US Citizen, and they will be coming here to America to live. He asked me if I would wear three 24K gold necklaces he is bringing to them as gifts. He doesn’t want to carry them. He put them on me and I am enjoying wearing them for now.
We arrived at 7:30 AM after 14 hours in flight. We checked in for our flight to Dubai, UAE. We have a layover of 7 hours. Nice timing on the part of the travel agent. NOT!!! Whoops make that nice timing on the part of him times 2, or is that 3? Tariq’s ticket in 7 hours is 7 hours plus 30 days. The travel agent wrote March 15th not February 15th on his ticket. We need a little sense of humor here folks. The airlines we checked have no openings because it is holiday time, Hajj in Saudi Arabia, and Eid in the Islamic countries, means all flights are booked. Stand - by is not an option because Tariq has no visa for England. By law he must leave in a few hours. They booked him on a 3 PM flight back to Boston automatically. He is not happy!. Azim tried to get them to take Tariq on his ticket, he has a British Passport, and can stay and take the first opening tomorrow. They said no way. We had a few hours left to search each of the 15 or so airlines in this terminal for open flights. After standing in line 7 or 8 times at different airlines, still no luck, I suggested a call to a travel agent locally. Azim got a name and a ticket was found by the agent and he would deliver the ticket to Tariq at the airport. The airline was one we had not yet been to. The agent called to confirm with them and finally we had some luck. It cost an extra $2500.00 but he got his ticket, cancelled the flight back to the US and we said goodbye to him. We will see him when he arrives in Lahore. He will have to lay over in Abu Dhabi. He didn’t have a watch on so Azim gave him his gold watch to wear so he wouldn’t miss the flight. I took his carry on bag to lighten his load, and now we are off to Dubai.
Boy am I tired. We arrived safely just after Midnight, It’s Saturday March 16th, about 22 hours in the Airport System. We have a 3-hour wait here. I went to the ladies room to wash my face and brush my teeth and had time to notice that I was now wearing only TWO 24K gold necklaces. Bummer. Tariq will not be too thrilled. It must have fallen off. Perhaps it was not fastened well enough. I checked with the plane, but naturally no one turned it in. I am absolutely horrified, but gone is gone. The airport has been all rebuilt and new is since 1999. Same bathroom same hole in the floor. It is really something. We walked around for a while and did a little duty free shopping for perfume. Our plane is leaving an hour late at 4:30 AM. I am the only white woman on the plane.
Lahore, Pakistan
Thirty hours in the system and we are finally here. The flight delay made arrival at 9 Am. When approaching the terminal, I spotted a man holding a sign with our name on it and Tariq's under ours. The man holding it was some executive head of the airport. Tariq was a cop in his previous life and knows a lot of people in high places. He was a friend of Tariq’s. Tariq called him from London, so he met us at Tariq’s request. Getting into Lahore’s airport is brutal, so he made it happen without a hitch. He brought me into a room with tons of lost luggage and I was given a bottle of Pepsi. Azim was sent with another man to get our luggage. That man slipped us through customs and immigration without delay and into the arms of 10-12 family members and friends for a warm and friendly welcome. At home we unpacked and took the grand tour of the house. We had done extensive remodeling on it in the past 6 months. This included a new kitchen and full bathroom with a real off the ground genuine commode, a bathtub with shower, and many other household repairs and painting. It looked great. We spent the rest of the day re-acquainting ourselves with everyone. I am so tired and my poor ankles and feet are swollen badly through lack of circulation and sleep in flight. It's bed for me now, not a bit of sleep in what seems forever.
Sunday
Today is Basant, celebration of spring in Asia. Kite flying is the priority of the day for everyone. The rooftops are filled with families of people celebrating as far as you can see all over the city. Thousands of kites are in the skies. Some use metal wires and blow out the transformers, so electricity is not to be had anywhere today. Our kids had a great day flying. I brought 6 kites, but they like to use the thin tissue paper kites here. They don’t care as much about losing their kites because kites seem to drop from the sky right into your hands as others lose theirs too. Khuram is on the roof next door with his friends. They are playing music and bongos, and the guys are dancing together. I rested a lot and kept my swollen feet up as much as I could. They are improving. We reached Tariq today. He arrived via Bahrain and Abu Dhabi after 60 hours in the system. Poor guy. We decided to go to see him and bring him his stuff. He was ok with the necklace thing and Azim got his watch. We were happy to meet his family. His wife is very pretty and his girls are really cute. They brought us into the formal living room and as customary, we were served a meal and refreshment. We had a nice chat, and made tentative plans to get together another time.
Monday
It's my first day out. Imran is a baker, and close friends with Hajji, Azim’s Uncle. We went to his bakery in the city, hidden away on a narrow side street. His bakery was quite rustic. The equipment was old and well used. The oven was made of stone. It was dark in there as there was no electricity at the time of our visit. He also works at convenience type store with a variety of foods and other products where he also sells his bakery goods. When visiting the shop and seeing the cakes and cookies he baked, I thought I would never have known they came from that bakery. Imran has a wonderful personality. He doesn’t speak English, but he laughs a lot and I can’t help but like him. In the shop was a 9-year-old boy who works as a clerk/assistant. Azim questioned him and found that he did not go to school, but did take religious training after work. He works 8-5 daily, to help support his poor family. Azim offered a few rupees to him, which he proudly refused. Azim stuffed it in his pocket when we were ready to leave; the boy thanked him and accepted it. I found the traffic to be the same, with overcrowded streets filled with many types of transport vehicles. Many homeless people were lying on blankets on the roadside or in the median strips and under bridges. People with mangled arms and legs begged cars stopped in traffic, for survival for another day. Khuram was our driver today. He is very good at weaving in and out of the traffic, dodging the potholes in the road, or anyone heading straight towards us in our lane, which happens a lot. He uses the horn every 30 or 40 seconds. It wasn’t sounding too well after the trip. Someone cut us off and got in the way, so he got out of the car to confront him. After a few words, we were on our way. He straddled the centerline, creating a few extra lanes. I counted 10 lanes of vehicles on the 2-lane road. When approaching handicapped people, it seemed to be best to toot a lot more frequently to give them the extra time to move faster and get out of the middle of the road they are crossing before they are hit. We stopped in the Old city of Lahore. It is the original part of the city when it was first rebuilt it the 13th century. The stone houses are really interesting. There are many shops along the narrow streets. One shop belongs to Imran’s brother Ilyas. There are two Ilyas. One is Azim’s uncle, and this one who has a sweet shop and is Imran the baker’s brother. While there at the sweet shop today, Shamim and I went into a separate doorway. Inside was a complex of living areas for Ilyas, his brothers, & family. There were three floors and a roof. I was brought to the second floor to meet his wife. They have no children. I saw two rooms, a living/bedroom area and another common room. The cooking area was in the hall at the stairway. She was so very nice. She did not speak English, but like Imran, her brother-in-law, she smiled and laughed a lot and I liked her immediately. Soon another woman came in, another brother’s wife. She did speak a bit of English. After a few questions, she asked me to come to her place and I agreed. It was one flight up. She had living quarters of two rooms also. She showed me her nice wedding pictures. Soon came, another sister-in law. She took me by the hand and I went up another flight to her place. It was one room with a bed and living area. The husbands arrived and we all looked at their wedding pictures. They brought me to the roof, and then brought me back to Shamim. From there we went to find Azim, who was wondering why I was gone so long. I told him I had been kidnapped.
Tuesday
Not much in the way of Electricity again today. I am learning a bit of the language. The kids are always teaching me. Late this afternoon I went for a quick ride to buy Sheep. It was the only time I left the house. We got char bacara, or 4 sheep. We were not far from the house. It was a quiet dirt road. The sheep were in a big building, and Mushtaq went in to choose them. They came out with two and Umer held them by a rope, while the men talked. Many small boys were playing around, and several others showed up. They stood around us. The children were curious about me. They were very dirty and dusty, and were staring at me. I squatted down to say hello and shake their little hands. The men decided on two more sheep, and then we walked them up the road while Mushtaq went to find a Tonga to get them home. As it turned out, he happened upon a relative and he got a large horse and wagon to load the sheep on and bring them back to the house. Khuram rode with them in the wagon to keep the sheep calm. When we arrived everyone came out to check out the new pets for the week.
Wednesday
I spent some time with Benish today. I haven’t seen much of her or her family, even though they live on the property. We worked with the computer and I explained a few things to her about the Internet and Email. They have not yet seen it, and we have the service now so I can contact home. I also made an Apple cake in the new oven with the girls help. Everyone enjoyed the new treat. I brought a lot of surprises to cook and bake with the girls.
In the evening I sat out with the guys. Basit, Sedaquat, Happy and Shahid, Azim’s friends. They all speak English fairly well, some better some not. We spoke about education, Religion and culture here in Pakistan, and in the US. I enjoy conversations with them. Shahid had to work, but went an hour late because he was enjoying the visit too much. When he left Happy took the rest of us in his car for Ice Cream on Mall Rd. The mason is here working on repairs of the house. The house is cement and marble. Azim is planning on putting in a lawn in the courtyard. The mason built a small brick edge wall, smoothed with cement between the lawn and flowerbeds along the walkway. The boys took the sheep for a walk. They struggled to get them out from the lawn area. Sheep are so stubborn. They crashed in the wall the mason made in several places. They will be tied on the patio until the cement dries. One sheep has an infection on his face. He needs to get well for the slaughter, so they put medicine on his face. He hated that, but it will all be history soon.
There was a load of dirt delivered just outside the gate on the side of the street early this am. A man came to spread it on the lawn. To do this he used a bowl, the size of a wok. He walked out the gate and put the bowl down on the dirt pile. He scooped the dirt with his hands to fill the bowl, and then lifted it to his head. He carried it back inside the property balanced on his head and dumped it on the lawn area. He did this all day until late in the evening, back and forth, until it was done. He spread each bowl of dirt using his hands to smooth it for the new grass plugs soon to come. A plumber is also here working on the water pipes running from the cistern and water heater. They are old, and rust is coming into the tub and sinks. The plumber arrived at noon and worked until 1:30 AM. Where do they find THAT kind of plumber? Ilyas and Nurin’s walls are being painted, so they are sleeping here with their family in the living room for a night or two to avoid the fumes.
Thursday
We went out to the cloth market today in the old city. Azim, his uncles, and I stopped first to get Ilyas at his sweet shop. The men had a mission, a meeting with another man. We sat in his shop to wait. When he came, a boy got us all tea while the men sat on the floor talking. I sat on a pile of cloth bolts while they talked. Then we went to the area in the city where all electronics and computers are sold and bought a camera tripod and shopped without much luck for a flash for our camera. We stopped at Anarcoli to visit an old friend of the family, before coming home. The plumber had arrived at 9 AM. At 6 PM he was done. He does not use solder. Pipes are fastened together with pipe tape and the ends are threaded so they screw together. His only tools are hammer and wrench. When he was done he sat at the table. I sat there and listened to them talking, but not understanding. They got a little loud. Azim pushed money towards him and he pushed it back. In my mind, I wondered if there was a dispute over the bill. I thought maybe Azim and his uncle felt it was too high and tried to persuade him to accept less. I thought maybe he refused to take the offer and pushed it back holding out for more. Finally he took the money and left. I asked Azim what the issue was. The plumbing bill for the 22 hours was $100.00 Azim was trying to get him to take extra. He refused. Azim did mention though that in America plumbers get about $40 or more per hour in labor. The man did take the extra he was offered. HMMM !!! I need a plumber like that.
Friday
We went to visit the graves of Azim’s grandparents, father and other relatives. Entering the graveyard, they bought flower petals and wreaths of flower buds. When we approached the grave a boy came with a sack of water made of animal skin. He swept the graves with straw, and washed them with the water. I spread the flower petals and wreaths over the graves after a man recited some words from the Koran. I stood while Azim and his Uncles prayed. Nearby at another site tables of food and chairs were set up for family members attending a funeral nearby.
I cooked a roast chicken with stuffing for dinner. Hajji brought beets and turnip. I brought Cranberry sauce from the US. Dinner was good to me, but they all had trouble eating the plain potatoes and vegetables. They are so used to highly spiced food.
Saturday
It is Eid for the next 2-3 days. We will mostly stay at home. I rested and read today. We watched the kids fly kites. I helped the girls make chocolate cake. They were so excited to make this new dessert. Later I sat on the mungee with them and talked. We played go fish, and blew bubbles stuff I brought them, then blew up balloons. We had a lot of fun. I enjoy playing with all the younger boys. They are silly and laugh and tease each other and me a lot. The family stayed up very late until 2 or 3 am. Fireworks were going off in the neighborhood. There were a lot of noisy people celebrating the holiday. I have been here a week, it has flown by.
Sunday.
The butchers arrived, but no one wanted to get up after being up so late last night. The younger boys were outside, and I filmed the animals as they went down in the name of God. Across the street they prepared to take the camel. The butcher was late but everyone was more prepared this time than the first time I saw this. It took a longer time for the camel because they tied him very well. The neck rope broke as he fell onto his side and died there in the street. I filmed it all, it was very sad. I watched them skin it and remove the stomach. A man came by and carted it away on his bicycle it was a comical site to see this huge stomach on the fender of the bike, and the man walking beside it holding it steady. Hajji helped the butchers cut our lamb in the dining room. He put a huge sharp knife between his toes, then dragged the chunks of lamb flesh across the blade to make smaller pieces. Benish put mendhi my hands today. That takes 4 hours to dry, so I can’t do a lot in the meantime. In the evening Shahid came over and I gave him samples of the Chocolate, and Apple cakes I made with the girls.
Tuesday.
Yesterday Asma made Ice Cream, and we all went over to taste it later this evening. I helped Asma with her English study in prepositions for college. Imran baked me a cake and came by at dinner tonight. Everyone came over and we had a NON-Birthday party for me. I got flowers and eyeglass frames and earrings from Imran and his brother Ilyas. Ilyas wife got some velvet cloth to make me a chalwar cameez's. We had Khuram’s boss over for dinner and I ate with his wife, at the kitchen table while the men ate in the living room. She was very capable with English. They have a young girl living in to help her take care of the 2 children. The girl does not go to school, but is working as their servant.
Wednesday.
Happy took Azim and I out for an adventure today. We went to his wire factory, but the electricity was off so we did not see the wire making. We picked up another man, a factory worker there, and headed for his village a few miles into the country outside Lahore. It was an enlightening visit. They have electricity but water comes from old-fashioned hand pumps. We drove through the farmlands of animal grasses, Potato, (ahloo), and Turnip, (gongloo). We arrived at the village and his home. The buildings were speckled with circles of Cow dung stuck to the brick on the outside walls. Each circle had a big handprint in it where it was pressed against the wall to dry. They use these circles for cooking fuel. The door to his home was a blanket tied across the entry. Inside was a courtyard, open to the sky. There were 15 or 20 people inside, many were older adults and there were several small children. One was being washed under a spigot. There was a mungee and a couple of chairs. The cooking area was a cement pit where they made a fire in a hole and put a pot over it. The bathroom was open and just a hole in the floor next to a sink. There was one small room with a roof over it. The electric was off, but I used the light on my video camera to see inside where the mother showed off the room to me. There was only one bed and a single cot. There were lockers along the walls and shelves of dishes and glasses above them. The lockers had piles of blankets on them and it was easy to assume they doubled as beds for the many people living there. I was given a chair and some young boy brought me a warm bottle of coke and a straw. There were several small kids there. They were not yet clean, and they had flies jumping on and off them, as did the others there. After a brief visit we went to see the man's cows, goats and his donkey. We walked a ways and I had to be careful of where I stepped in the wet muddy roads smelling of raw sewage. We got in the car and went to the fields. He proudly showed off his farmlands that he leased. I saw fields of flowers, Cauliflower, (gobi), onions, chickpeas, green peppers, garlic, radish, peas, spinach herbs and marijuana. We picked many samples and packed our trunk to take them home. We stopped to watch other villagers picking peas in their fields. They showed us how they pumped water from a well to irrigate the fields. All farming is planted and harvested mostly by hand. There is not much machinery available or affordable. They fertilize, but some of the crops were so much smaller in size than they should be. We headed back to the village after a tour of the fields. We went in to see the cows again so he could give us a sample of the milk. He put a bucket under the cow. It wasn’t milking time so the cow was not feeling too generous. She stepped in the bucket and dirtied & spilled some of the milk. There was a round cutting machine to chop the feed grass. I gave it a try, and I played with some of the baby goats. A crowd of villagers followed us and wanted to come inside the gate to see me. Happy locked them out, as there were too many. We were given the milk in a plastic bag for afternoon tea. It would need to be strained of dirt and boiled a while first. We went out and across the road to see a woman who lived in a mud house. The walls were made of mud and straw. She showed me her roofed sleeping area. The courtyard held her stone stove and her toilet had a short wall around it for privacy. A hose was there for showering. Goats roamed inside and her children played with them while we looked about the home. The kids were smiling, happy and curious to see me. The villagers were waiting when we got ready to go back to the car, and they all followed us and stood around the car staring at me. As we left, one boy kept repeating I am a Christian. I told him I understood, and said goodbye. Leaving the village we stopped to see a sawmill. The saw was run on ancient motors and rubber bands. Cows were everywhere on the road leading back to Lahore and we moved right through any spaces we could fit into as we drove out of the village. I had some good video, but the dust prevented some of it from turning out well. I heard later that I was the main topic of conversation that night. Their neighbors told the villagers whose homes I visited, how lucky they were that they got to show their homes to the American woman. This visit really moved me. I had no first hand knowledge that people lived that way. It was sad, and interesting. It gave me much appreciation for my home, and all that is taken for granted there. This country is 50-100 years behind us in different ways. I wondered today if a person from home in the states that was unhappy about things in his life could have the chance to see some of the things I saw today and life as it is here. How differently that person would feel about the things he complains about. We stopped to see a man making straw blinds by hand. He lived in the straw house beside him. We stopped at a street vendor near our house to taste a drink made of sugar cane pressed through a machine. It was green and sweet. The man rinsed the glass that the customer before us used, with a cup of water and poured me a drink after sending the 3-foot stick of cane through the machine. It was very tasty, but not as sweet as I expected. At home, they were happy to see all the fresh picked vegetables we brought back from the fields. They began to prepare some of it for dinner and make tea from the milk. I didn’t taste the tea that day. Tariq called and we invited him to dinner the next night.
Thursday.
Today the girls spent most of the day cooking for our guests tonight. It takes a long time to prepare food here. The vegetables need to come off the vines, be opened, washed, picked through for foreign particles, cut up and washed again. The spices need to be chopped or ground up by hand in a pestle. Then the cooking begins. Food is always cooked for hours. The meats need to fall off the bone. Everything is cooked on top of the stove in water. Azim made grape nut custard with grape nuts I brought from the US. He mixed the eggs with a wooden hand mixer. It is like a wooden spoon, but is round with scalloped edges. He put it between his palms and quickly rubbed them back and forth to turn the bottom into the eggs and mix them up. I made macaroni salad. Early this AM two men arrived. They took the 6 pieces of living room furniture out side on the courtyard patio and measured them for new cherry red taffeta slipcovers. There are two each of chairs, loveseats and sofas. One man used an electric sewing machine and one a hand wheel machine, vintage 1930-1940. They measured and cut and sewed the covers together sitting on the marble floor of the patio all day long. They didn’t take a break. By 7:00 pm all the pleated red covers and the cushions were finished. They looked great. They brought them in just before the guests arrived. Tariq arrived about 8 with his brother-in law, his wife and two daughters. Imran and Ilyas came. Khuram’s boss came by, so we invited him too. We had a great feast and a nice visit with Tariq. I spoke to him about the loss of the necklace. He was ok with it, but that's the kind of guy he is.
Friday
I went for a ride with Azim Hajji and Imran this afternoon. We went to sweet shops owned by Imran’s friends. We ate Rasmalai, sweet custard made with milk whey and almonds, then stopped at an Eid fair at the racetrack park. We got back in time to get ready for a wedding party of Mendhi on Shamim’s street in the old city. The girls all dressed up with sparkles, and gold in their nicest clothes. Khuram took us to Shamim’s and waited in the car. We arrived about 10 PM. We went straight to the neighbors where the bride lived. I met her family. She was not yet dressed in her wedding clothes. When I walked in, 15 or 20 women and children came in behind me and one by one said hello and shook my hand. We went back out to where the street was blocked off for the party. and went into the tent to sit. We watched the kids play and the women chat. There was food, but I did not feel like eating. The girls had a taste. After 1 1/ 2 hours of sitting, we got tired. The bride did not come out. They were waiting for the groom’s family to arrive. Finally they arrived to the beating of drums and horns. They brought in a chair decorated in in shiny gold decorations and put it in the center of the room. Women and children sang songs to the bongo drum. An hour later, about 1:30 AM, the procession of the bride and her family began. They brought Mendhi candles & incense in gold holders. The bride was wearing green and yellow shiny taffeta. The Dupata covered her head completely. She kept her face down so no one could see her. She was led to the gold chair. People came up to her and waved money around her and said their wishes and gave her money. Some gave her sweets and fruits. We were all given sweets and Pepsi in bottles. It was getting late, 2 AM. We decided to go. The sisters would be putting Mendhi on her and it would be hours until it was dry. The girls put the same Mendhi dye on their hair to make it a rich deep red color.
Saturday
The painters have been working for months on the house. The main house is gray outside, yellow and bluish gray inside. Ilyas’ is now a sand color outside and the inside is yellow and lime green. The 2 men work long hours. The paint base is white and the colors come from powder they mix in the paint as they go along. If they touch up later, the shades are not exact, but that’s the way it is. The computer is here in our living room. I helped Shumaila and Humaira on it today. They really enjoyed using it for the first time. There is not much to do for girls here. They go to college, but are on break. They can’t go out unless an adult male is with them, or Shamim will take them. They sit around in their rooms and talk or watch TV. Then at necessary times they prepare and cook meals. It’s a very quiet life. Sometimes other school friends will get dropped off for a visit. Azim tried driving today. He is a god driver, but here he is not used to the traffic and driving on the left. It is confusing turning corners. We decided to let the girls try driving. Uncle Mushtaq will take them first to a local park at night and let them steer and use the clutch. We went to get plants with him and Shamim and I stayed in the car while Azim and his uncles picked out the plants and trees. I wasn’t allowed to go help, because prices needed to be negotiated and would not be done so fairly with me there. I make the prices go up because I am American. After all the plants were chosen, Mushtaq came to get us. We brought the car up to the front of the nursery to load it. We had to drive to another salesperson to get 2 trees. When he saw me he changed the prices. Azim and Ilyas argued that the price was already agreed on. He said not any more. So Azim made him take out the tree. Then started the car and said he was leaving. The guy thought more of it and re-opened negotiations. We paid a price in between the two, took the tree and went home. It is funny, but that happened a lot when shopping with me. I went with the girls for a ride in the park. They had a good time driving around the park with Uncle Mushtaq.
Sunday
Azim bought breakfast from an out side shop for everyone to eat together. I have been having boiled eggs and omelets each day. This morning it was spicy peas and meat filled pastries. There were also some sweets made with cream of wheat. I thought there was only one use for that stuff, but this was a round ball, eaten by hand. It was starchy, sticky and sweet. The roti (bread) was something like fried dough, but very thin. Azim said the whole breakfast, feeding 15-20 of us, cost about $5. Later in the afternoon we met Azim’s friends for a day out in the city and the countryside. Shahid, Basit, Sedaquat, Happy and Azim & I met about 12 noon. We stuffed ourselves in to the small car and took off. First they took me to see the Government area and the nicer large homes where foreigners and government people live. We went past the big Universities and along the Ravi River heading towards the border to India. Later in the afternoon we stopped at a Chinese Restaurant and had Hot and Sour soup, and chicken fingers. We drove to fortress stadium. There are lots of shops around the stadium field and we looked in the windows and walked around. We decided to have dinner at the top roof of a restaurant. I saw hamburgers on the menu and was quite surprised. I ordered one. All I have had is spicy foods and was really looking forward to the burger, fries and coleslaw. To my surprise, the burger meat was highly spiced. So much so that I could barely eat half of it. I ate the fries and slaw and Azim ate the other half of the burger. I was disappointed. From there we went to Mall Rd to Chummas for Ice Cream. The guys had a discussion that this was all too expensive. They don’t make a lot of money, even in their very good jobs. This day out was a big luxury for them. We paid, but they felt guilty that for the cost, they could have fed their entire family for a week. We went to a park and I wanted to play Miniature golf. They felt $2.00 was unaffordable for them, so we did not play. The park was beautiful. It was clean. There was a waterfall and other water displays. There was an animal sanctuary with birds and peacocks. We took pictures and enjoyed walking around. We had a good day.
Monday
After a nice lunch with Ilyas family in old city Lahore, Hajji, Imran and Azim took me shopping in the cloth market for material. I had to walk fast and hold Hajji’s hand. I ducked holes, rivers of sewage water and loads of cloth on the backs of the workers carting them through the market. I bought some nice cloth for clothes, and gifts for home. In the evening I went for another ride with the girls, while they drove the car. I asked Azim if I could take them to the park later in the week that we had gone to with the guys yesterday. He agreed and I was happy to tell them the news. I needed laundry cleaned. The washer is not the greatest and the girls do half of it by hand. I tried to take some of the burden off of them by doing my own. My arm muscles are KILLING me. I am no pioneer woman. Azim had to finish rinsing and wringing by hand so I could hang them out over the wall on the roof. Later in the day I met a neighbor. When she shook my hand she had this really strong grip. She made my muscles hurt more as she grasped my hand. I think she must do a lot of hand washing. I on the other hand am such a weakling, Am I spoiled by my American life? The water pump has to be activated when you need water. It is not automatic. To shower or use the sink, someone has to turn on the water pumps. One switch is for hot and one for cold. When I head off to the bathroom, Azim or someone close by will hurry to turn it on for me if they see me. Occasionally no one would notice and I had to find someone to turn them on. I did not as yet know how to do it myself. Usually it is Tasleem who is around, and she is not good at English. If I can’t make myself clear, I am in trouble. I asked Benish how to tell her I needed water in the Punjabi language. She told me “Pawnee nee aahdia” The first time I needed to tell the someone about the water, they cracked up laughing at me using their language. They told everyone else how funny it was. When I would meet someone, the family asked me to say my new Punjabi words to them. It became the biggest joke, and provided a lot of laughter. The kids taught me new words each day, and I wrote them in a book. They tested me a lot on them.
Tuesday
Today I went out shopping for more gifts for home. We spent most of the afternoon shopping. One suitcase is already full. The girls are asking me to stay in with them in the evenings. They are lonesome without me at home, and hate it when I am out. They ask every day if instead of me going out with Azim or Hajji and Imran, can they can go out with me for ice cream at night. In 1999 when I was here, we went out a lot for walks, but not this time. They want to spend evenings together with me. It has been hard for them because Imran and Hajji are here a lot too and I must also spend time with them. Dividing time is tough. I stayed home this evening and enjoyed some time with the girls.
Wednesday
I decided to take the car for a little drive myself today. Neighborhood traffic is pretty much non-existent. I haven’t driven a standard in quite awhile. It was easy to get the skills back. I had taken the girls for a ride. They wanted to learn how to drive and Azim said it was ok. As they drove around the block a few times, it got easier, but they were not the greatest drivers. Azim tried to show them things about the clutch for a time, but he got frustrated when they made errors and I am more patient in teaching them. I offered to pick Rabia up from school about 2 blocks away. Rabia was quite surprised to come out of school and see me there alone in the car. She was so excited. She asked me to bring her and her neighbor friend to school and pick them up after school alone everyday. She invited me to come to school in a few days and meet her teacher and other girl students. She told me how to dress and how to wear my hair and lipstick. She wants me to wear American clothes that day. I planted seeds in the garden I had brought from the US. Broccoli is not a Pakistani vegetable. I brought seeds for that and hot peppers, daisies and zinnias. The new plants from the nursery were also planted. The courtyard is looking good. The weather is warm. It is 70 each day. No rain to speak of has fallen yet. A few light sprinkles are all so far.
This evening Imran came over. He is so nice. He always brings me something like cookies, jewelry, or something for my hair. Hajji has improved so much in his English. I enjoy talking to him every day. He likes it when we spend time talking, and when he comes after work I try to spend time with him so he will stay longer. Imran’s friend came over and he drove us out and about in Lahore tonight. We went to get sweets, and then Imran bought us Ice Cream. We went to McDonald’s and I had a shake and Azim and Imran, had cokes. Then we went to another shop for Rasmalai. Imran is trying to fatten me up. He wants me to be happy, and is doing all he can to make sure of it. At Fortress Stadium shopping center we window shopped for ready made clothes. It was fun for me. Imran enjoyed it, but Azim just tolerated it. Two men outside approached us and looking at me, one of them excused himself to me and asked if I was English, in English. I said yes. He asked a favor. He wanted me to accompany him and his friend into the amusement park area to meet some people inside. The gatekeepers would not let them in unless a woman accompanied them. It was a government rule they said. To keep out trouble, a female needed to be in the party to represent a sense of family. Azim allowed it as they offered to pay the entry fee for us all. We went in and walked around the rides. The two men took off to meet their friends and we lost track of them right away after they thanked us. After a while, we left. When we went back through the gate to go, one of the keepers asked us where the other two in our party were, and why they were not with us. Azim told them, inside, go ask them. They quickly left the gate and went inside to find them. Oh well. It was 1 AM. The evening flew by. We really enjoyed this night with Imran. Khuram called him on his cell phone on our way back to the house. The family could not sleep without us at home. We told them we were on our way.
Friday
I spent part of the day with the girls yesterday driving the car around the block and up and down the street back and forth using reverse. Shumaila really likes it, but Humaira is too nervous. The day was quiet and uneventful. This afternoon, I went out for a short time to look at property with Tasleem's brother. It was smelly and dirty where we went by the airport. It was a small village. A sewage filled river flowed across the street. When we got home, Uncle Ilyas brought us leather jackets to choose and Imran came with ready-made clothes he thought I would like to try. Unfortunately they did not fit. Benish had asked me to go to a wedding, but I am catching a cold, and am tired, so do not want to go and stay up so late. I spoke with Hajji a lot today. We sat outside together while Azim and Basit went to the mosque. I think Hajji has tried very hard to learn English in the past few years. He is much improved. We had several hours of easy conversation in his best English.
Saturday.
I went to Rabia's school this morning dressed to make her happy. It is an all girls high school. There are two rooms. The desks are the same as I remember from my own days in school. The blackboard was small and in a wooden frame on wheels. There were about 12 students. They were very shy. Rabia is not a shy girl, but for some reason she became one today. I was left to make conversation on my own. She would not use English in front of them. I asked the teacher some questions. The girls giggled. A few asked me questions about America. I took some pictures. The teacher was very shy and nervous talking to me. She spoke English well, but did not have the confidence to use it with me. I guessed she found it easier to teach the younger girls, than to use it with someone who could have taught her. I stayed for only 45 minutes, so they could get back to their work. Testing is all next week for the end of the term. It’s time to go shopping. Anarcholi is a very big and famous market. Thousands of shops sell everything you can imagine. There are all kinds of house products and clothing. Imran, Hajji and Azim spent the day with me. I would normally refrain from clothes shopping for myself with a man. I had three, oh boy. It’s my opinion that men don’t have the patience to shop, just to buy. Buying something means they can leave. Shopping means they have to wait. Here, it is necessary to have a man around, making shopping for exactly what you want, more difficult. I am larger than most Pakistani women who would be a small to medium. They also have their clothes made because they cannot afford store bought or ready made clothes. The clothes are loose here but my shoulders and chest are broader than a lot of the clothes. I love the styles. They are very creative and different. The clothes are not clearly marked in a size. I had to find one to fit my shoulders and chest. One shopkeeper had a measuring tape I started to measure my chest, I looked up to see the four men watching me, and lost it. I wanted my privacy; I wanted them to go away. I was embarrassed to have three strangers and my husband waiting for me to tell them some most personal information. I started laughing. I couldn’t continue. Shopping took on a whole new meaning. Soon everyone was laughing. I turned around, but still useless didn’t get the job done. It got worse when Azim, Hajji and Imran bless them, tried to help me. They took turns trying to measure, but I could not cooperate at that moment. Finally I grabbed the tape walked away into the corner and measured. When I told them, Hajji and Imran looked at each other and their mouths dropped. Imran started laughing and they joked about it. Come on guys, this is embarrassing. No one they knew had a chest measuring my size I guess. We found a few cameez's’ that fit, but the quality wasn’t very good. We moved on to other shops and had a problem with size. After a while the guys were getting itchy to go, so I gave up and asked them to take me to Fortress Stadium where we had window shopped a few times before. Reluctantly, they did. The second shop I went into, I found a very nice turquoise chalwar cameez's in my size and bought it. I also called it a day on my shopping. The best part of the day was returning from the Fortress, we stopped in Old City Lahore at the gold market. This gold starts purity at 22K to 24K the purest gold. The market glows with bright yellow gold. The shops and street vendors selling gold display it everywhere in the street to be highly visible. It is very competitive. We went into a shop of the people they normally buy from. He greeted me and took out a beautiful wide band bracelet of bright 22K gold, and placed it on my wrist. It was beautiful and the most stunning piece of jewelry I have ever had. My husband bought it for me for our 4th wedding anniversary.
Sunday
I woke up with the full cold I was catching. I stayed in bed all morning. Shumaila made me a delicious chicken soup. The family was getting together for breakfast this morning, but I ate soup for breakfast lunch and dinner. I had promised the girls a trip to the park I went to last week with Azim’s friends with the mini golf and animals this evening. I needed to rest if I was going to go there as I had promised them this evening. By 4:30 the girls were anxious for me to get up and get going. At 5 Khuram brought he car and the 7 of us packed ourselves in tightly. I was amazed that I was able to find the park. Khuram was not sure where it was. I’ve been out in the city a lot and am much more aware of directions I’ve traveled in. The girls were all smiles as we paid our fee to enter. Khuram waited in the car while we went in the park. They were laughing and talking happily to each other and told me thank you a dozen times, for bringing them. It made me feel so good to see them enjoy freedom from the 12-foot walls they are mostly confined to. Such a simple thing brought them so much joy. We took pictures, watched the Peacocks and other birds, watched people play mini golf, (they decided not to play). We sat on the benches to talk. We watched the other people in the park enjoying their time. I had such a great time watching the excitement in them. After an hour they wanted to get ice cream, so Khuram took us for a cup of Pistachio Ice cream, their favorite. They were really happy and grateful for the evening and we all enjoyed this big night out.
Monday
At 11:30, Happy and Basit picked us up for a day out. We went to Happy’s wire factory. Happy’s father started it many years ago and now Happy owns it. They make USA quality enameled wire for electronics. The copper comes on big spools and is threaded through many machines for heating and stretching into different thick nesses. It is then diamond polished and wound or sent to an enameling machine to be coated and fired then cooled and wound for shipment. The factory runs 24/7 in two shifts. The workers come from the area surrounding the factory or out in the village where we visited last week. The factory is on the edge of the city near the village road. When we arrived some children saw me and soon several others gathered at the gate to look at me. I was showed all around the factory at the operation by Happy’s dad who is retired, but was visiting the factory that day. It was really interesting to see how the wire was stretched and each process it went through. The building was old and made of red brick. The workers were busy and some were pretty young. They make about $50 a month and they love working for Happy, as he treats them well. When we left, we were invited by his dad to go visit a few houses where the workers live in the alley near the factory. They were much like the houses in the village. Doors were mere openings in the brick, covered with cloth hand sewn over a pole. There were no roofs. As we were leaving the last house a horse poked his head in and started to walk into the house. He stopped when he saw us heading towards him. We could not get him to move so we could leave, so we had to call out to Happy who was outside, to get the horse out of the way. A woman in the street was balancing a huge bag of cloth, laundry I presumed, on top of her head as we passed. We went to another factory next door to watch them make nails, then another to see them make threaded bolts. The old machines spit out the hot molded bolts one at a time. The equipment was oily, and it was extremely noisy. OSHA would keep busy in there. Workers wore bare feet or sandals. Animals were walking about. I had to be careful not to slip on the oily floor. Taking in the scene, I imagined it to be like it might have been in the US during the Industrial revolution after the wars. They are 50 or more years behind our technology and means, they do every thing mostly by hand with only ancient equipment to assist them, but they are very proud of their successes and accomplishments, as they should be. When we left we picked up Shahid, confirmed our airline tickets and stopped for a late lunch at a chicken roast restaurant. The place was old and not really clean, but the food was good and we were all full for a $5 bill. (That’s about 250 Rupees) We ate with our fingers, which I felt fine with. We had to return the plates for cleaner ones. We chatted and drank Pepsi, then headed for home, stopping at a shop for Rasmalai, my new favorite dessert on the way. Happy parked in the street and ran in to get it and brought it out in little tin dishes. When we finishes he ran the dishes back in to the shop. When we got home, I rested while Azim took the girls out for cold medicine for me. Later they got another chance to drive around the neighborhood. The neighbors are getting used to us girls driving about. I pick Rabia up or drop her at school when I can. I also take the older girls out to let them practice driving. Some times we surprise people on the streets who are not used to the sight of women driving, never mind when they see ME driving. On one round, Shumaila was driving, and for some reason lost her senses. She headed straight for two or three men sitting on the curbside. They sure got up in a hurry and we hit the curb right where they were sitting. Shumaila was a bit confused and upset. Humaira thanked God for her life and Rabia laughed. I tried to calm Shumaila and reassure her so she could continue on in confidence. When we got home, we looked at the tire. It didn’t look bad just a scrape, no other visible damage. The girls were scared Azim would get mad and not let them drive, so they swore me to secrecy. Later we were going out with his Aunt and Uncle. I was still in getting ready when Rabia came in laughing. She said they were talking about the tire that the air seemed to be coming out. Rabia said they didn’t know why. When we left I began to worry too. What if it blew up while we were driving? I wondered if I should just tell Azim and explain to the girls that I felt it was safer to tell. Suddenly Mushtaq pulled over and He and Azim got out and changed the tire. I felt safer, and didn’t say a word. I told the girls when I got home what happened. I told them they should tell Azim. They didn’t want to. Later he had to get a new tire. The girls eventually confessed. Azim was fine. He said he had suspected something like that. I told him they wouldn’t let me say a word. We had the secret going for a long time. It provided a lot of fun. This evening we ate dinner at Uncle Ilyas, by candlelight. The lights were out again. Mushtaq had us eat with him a few times too. He cooked chicken on the grill. It is nice to eat with the 23 of them. At midnight Ilyas family brought Azim and I a nice cake for our anniversary.
Tuesday
A baby lamb was slaughtered on our gateway patio early this AM. Azim said this was to thank God for all this family has. The entire lamb was then brought by Mushtaq and Ilyas to feed a poor family they knew. Sonia, the 9-year-old sweeper girl came after being absent for a few days. Her grandmother, who has been employed here for several years, told us that her son in law is not good at supporting his family. He wouldn’t let her come. I had told Azim to tell the grandmother that I was leaving in a day or two and really wanted to see her. Somehow that did the trick, and here she is here. Sonia has to work to help her mom by food and clothes for 3 or 4 younger siblings. Today as usual she came running into my room to wake me up. She is a delight. She smiles and shakes my hand, and I hug her. She doesn’t know English, but she knows how wonderful hugs feel and she sucks up all she can get from me. Then we go around my room and I give her stuff to make her smile. She looks in my drawers and I give her some Hershey’s kisses I keep there. I put lotion on her hands or spray perfume on her. I give her a trinket of some kind that I don’t mind parting with, or some cookies. Then she helps me make my bed before she sweeps and washes the floor by hand. Today after she left, I went out in Shad Bagh and bought cloth for her to take home and have clothes made. Azim told her grandmother to bring her back when they finished. Hajji came by at noon and we left for the day about 1 PM right after Sonia came for her cloth and another hug. She had a flower in her hand and gave it to me. We spent the day with Hajji and Imran in the bakery. Imran wants to bake stuff for us for our Anniversary. It is also Hajji and Shamim’s anniversary. I watched for several hours as Imran made us 10 Pizza’s and two cakes, donuts and two loaves of bread shaped like fish, filled with spicy chicken. When every thing was ready, he fired up the big stone oven. All the goodies were in pans on the floor in front of it. Soon he was squatting on the floor, placing everything in the oven with a long handled paddle, and closing off the opening with a rock. There is no temperature regulator, but he knows from experience how to control the flame and the time in baking. He has a big machine to mix bread dough and batters. One machine is for whipping and mixing smaller portions. He had a slicing machine for the loaves of white bread. He has a wooden worktable for his cookies and chopping and a marble one for mixing and kneading sand working with his cakes. He has been such a bright spot in my visit. It is ALWAYS a pleasure to be with him and Hajji. We laugh a lot. There is no kitchen sink, but there is a brick pit with a spigot to wash pots. There is also a couple of burners on the floor to boils down sugar or cook whatever necessary. The bakery is dark and old. Made of brick that has seen better days. I am amazed at his talent, and his bakery products as attractive and delicious. He doesn’t measure anything. Kids come by after school for leftover treats, or to purchase things for home. Imran has a couple of young boys who work there all day and night getting all the baking done for the shops he supplies in the city. Our baking was finished and we left for home. By 8 pm the food was delivered and the whole family gathered in the living room to eat. It was all very good. After dinner we took pictures of all the families and they gave us many gifts for our anniversary. We finally got to sleep at 1 AM.
Wednesday
I woke up to the pretty face of Sonia and we went through our usual morning in my room. She knows I am going tomorrow and she asked me again about it. I gave her some cookies and earrings. She went through the trash in my room and took what ever was in there that she wanted. I think she had seen me throw some things away and she wanted them. I was busy cleaning out my drawers beside the bed and my last suitcase and then packing it. I brought the computer back to Ilyas house and set it up with the scanner and printer for Asma. I went over the email again so she could email me when I got home. In the afternoon I went for a ride. We dropped off Ilyas and Azim to do an errand and I went to do the same with Hajji and Shamim. We had to pick up the clothes I had made at the tailors. Then we went to their neighborhood in the old city. We parked there while Shamim did something. Hajji and I were talking. Soon several children surrounded the car. They were saying hello, asking my name and reaching in to touch me. There came to be about 15 or so in no time. Some were trying to get in the car. We finally had to make them go away and close the windows and lock the doors. It was weird. The children are just so curious. In the old city, the streets are narrow and driving is slow. It is sometimes awkward for me as people are so close and can see me so clearly in the car as we slowly make our way through the crowded streets of this part of Lahore. I often feel a bit more nervous and yet excited. It is hard to explain my feelings here. Usually Azim is with me too, so I am usually more comfortable in this area. I was happy to leave Old Lahore today. There were just too much traffic and too many people too close around me. Hajji would take good care of me if I was in any difficult situation, but I missed safe feeling of Azim’s presence on this ride. When we got home I was quickly kidnapped and led to the car by Imran and Hajji and brought to Shad Bagh. We went into a shoe store. They wanted to buy me some sandals. They both wanted me to get shoes, and I got two pair as a gift from them. It was fun to go with them. Hajji wants me to bring him nice sneakers next time I come. “NOT made in China,” he said. In the evening Ilyas Imran’s brother and his wife came to say good-bye. We were invited to Basit and Azim’s friend’s wedding. I sat in a room with a bunch of men for about 45 minutes. Then we went outside. The groom was sitting on a platform dressed all in gold from his hat to his shoes. Beside him was his family. They were collecting monetary gifts. Around his neck were vests of paper currency as gifts. Someone was videotaping them and a band was there. They were all dressed like they were playing for a celebrity. Some weddings I passed in the streets had bigger bands with 15 or 20 members. Coronets were played. There was a line of band members on both sides as we walked up to the platform. They asked me to sit beside the groom to be in the video, which was little enough for me to do to see this part of the culture. I wondered if I would ever actually get to see a ceremony. I would surely need a nap first as they happen at 1 or 2 am. I am seeing a wedding in pieces because that’s how they occur. We left by midnight.
Thursday
It is our last day. At midnight tonight we go to the airport to catch a 3 AM flight.
Sonia came in this morning. She knows it is goodbye. She helped me make up the bed and then she sat with me while I packed up some things. I will really miss her little face. I went out to the table for coffee. She stayed with me while her grandmother did the cleaning this morning. I sat her in my lap at the table and shared cookies with her. I hugged her tightly and bounced her on my knees. I kissed her sweet little face and squeezed her a lot. While the house was being done, she spent the whole time with me. I said goodbye when her grandmother was ready to leave. I would miss her. The day was spent at home. We finally got everything packed up and had to use an extra suitcase to carry everything. We tried to call Tariq several times but did not reach him. Tariq is staying with his family for several more weeks. I went up on the roof with the girls to chat and they are very sad. They said they will try not to cry, and we talked about how difficult it is to say goodbye. I went to visit with Nurin and Benish and Asma a few times in the afternoon. I tried to rest, but there was no way to do that. In the afternoon Imran and Shahid and Basit came over and the evening was spent visiting with everyone picture taking and video taping, talking and looking at the long faces of the girls. Midnight arrived and the tears arrived as we brought our bags to the door. The next few minutes were spent hugging and crying and saying goodbye. There were two vehicles heading to the airport. The ride was quiet, because Azim was in one and I was in the other. At the Airport Shahid met us. We were sent in to do the tickets and customs and Immigration things then he let us go back to visit longer with the family before the flight was called. It was great to have him there to escort us through everything easily because it can be very difficult going out of Pakistan. The flight home was long and exhausting. We arrived safely at about 6:30 pm with few delays. We were just in time to catch the bus back to Hyannis. We had a great trip and I can’t wait to go back.
Some Interesting Facts about Pakistan
The Islamic Republic of Pakistan, has a population of 150 million people, it’s close to twice the size of California and located to the east of Afghanistan and Iran, the west of India, south of China, and a small portion sits on the Arabian sea at the city of Karachi, its former capital. The present Capital is Islamabad located in Punjab, the largest of the 5 provinces, Lahore, where I spent my time, was the first capital of Pakistan in the 8th century. It is also in Punjab and located 25 to 30 miles from the border of India. Punjab means land of 5 rivers. Punge means 5 and ab means land water in the Punjabi language. The province holds over ½ of the countries population, over 70 million people live there. 66% of all Pakistanis are Punjabi. The rest cover the other 4 provinces. Pakistan was originally part of India. India was largely Hindu. Because of religion disputes the mostly Muslim sections fought for and became the independent nation of Pakistan in 1947. Its name means Land of the Pure.
Pakistan is the only nation created on the name of Islam. 97% of the people are Muslim, Muslim’s are followers of the religion, Islam, the 2nd largest religion in the world. 27% of the world population is Muslim. It has the fastest rising growth rate, 2.9 % per year. Christianity is the largest at 33%. Its rate of growth is now dropping due to the birth rate of Christians dropping with the use of birth control.
The national language of Pakistan is Urdu. Since Punjab is so largely populated, Punjabi, the local language is mostly spoken. The Government uses English, which is compulsory study along with Urdu in schools.
The monetary unit in Pakistan is the Rupee. 67 rupees are equal to one US dollar
Pakistan has a poor economy because of high military spending and Govt. deficit as well as dependence on foreign aid and over population. The military, under Pres. Pervez Musharraf runs the government, the utilities, television, & radio. They took over the Government only 2 years ago by ousting the elected president who was considered to be doing a poor job. Many official leaders were corrupt. The country is generally pleased with the changes since Musharraf took over, as he is progressive, trusted, and has implemented many positive steps to end corruption in the country. The electricity is shut off at intervals in quadrants about the city to save energy. It goes off several times a day for an hour or so, until about 6 or 7 pm.
The country has substandard housing, polluted water supplies from raw sewage, and heavy pollution from no emission control on vehicles. It is over populated in many areas. There is widespread malnutrition. The leading causes of death are gastroenteritis and respiratory diseases. The main fuel sources are firewood, bagasse, a sugar cane residue, and animal dung.
Money talks in most ways in this society. Wealth means success and along with the poor economy it brings a lot of theft type crimes. Being poor here does not mean you only have one car and eat at McDonalds when you go out. It means you don’t eat every day unless you beg or steal. Mc Donald’s is located in many areas of Lahore. They have done a lot for the community for the privilege. All I saw in there were well dressed Government people, business people, and foreigners when I went one evening. The price of a hamburger was less than a dollar, but too high and a luxury for the average Pakistani.
Police were always held in low esteem and corrupt, but have improved in recent months. They would rob people of their money by holding them on the spot for minor infractions and demanding money for release. Abuse is common in prison. There is no Parole. Inmates are housed by economic class. Most crimes committed are theft. Murders are difficult to solve. The worst crimes though are adultery, rape, and carnal knowledge of a virgin. In some provinces tribal and Islamic laws are favored over civil laws. Alcohol in possession by a Muslim carries a punishment of 80 lashes. Thieves get their hands cut off, Adulterers or rapists or those having sex with virgins without benefit of marriage are publicly stoned. If an unmarried girl is a willing participant in leaving with, meeting with or talking to a male, she could be completely alienated, never looked at or spoken to by her family again, or worse, thrown out of the family and later killed by her uncles or brothers for bringing shame to the family name. This still occurs today, although progress has been made in trying to end some of these practices. High-powered Guns and pistols are found in every home, or in some cities can be rented by the hour.
Pakistan is a male dominant society. Women are subservient to men by culture, religion, and for their protection and safety. Women are allowed higher education, but 45 are educated for every 100 men. Men with lower scores get accepted before women in universities. 30% of the women do work, as teachers, nurses, and doctors, journalists, entertainers, and domestics. Poorer families start their children working at age10. Girls may move in with other wealthier families and work as servants and mother’s helpers. Some might leave their home daily to clean for other wealthier families. Boys from poor families at age 9 or 10, work as assistants in a local business shop, or factory. None of these children attend school. However they will take instruction in the religion at home after work. They are paid for their 50 to 60 or 70 hr week at the rate of about $5.00 a month. Exclusively males run any local business. Women are very highly respected by all men, as they are highly moral. Those who spoke English always called me Mam, & not by my name. They address their friends and relatives with complete respect in each address to them. Using terms of title in relation as bagee or sister, bahi or brother. Men by using saab or Mister even if they are the closest of friends. The text of the words is backwards from ours so I would be called JoAnn bagee or literally translated to Joann sister and My husband might be called Azim bahie meaning Azim brother or Azim saab by his friends meaning Azim mister. Outside on the streets men walk arm in arm, arms around shoulders, or hand in hand. There is a thick brotherhood between them all. Touching is rare in the home. The men share all they have with each other with no expectations of being paid back.
Men do not allow the females, beginning at puberty, much access to the world outside the home. Except for the poor, many homes of middle to upper class are 12 foot walled, gated and locked. Or just gated and locked. Inside many there is a small courtyard area. Women in Pakistan are confined to home except for school or other necessary outings, and visits to relatives. They are never alone, mostly go out in family groups and almost always with a male present. Shopping for most things are done by the men. Most people buy cloth, for clothes sewn by local tailors. Only the wealthier buy some ready made clothes for women. More men wear both store bought and hand made pants, shirts and Chalwar Cameez's. Each day animal drawn wagons come in the neighborhoods with fruits, vegetables, cooking ware and plastics. The married women go outside the gate covered in Dupata to purchase necessary fresh foods and household items. Other vendors bring entertainment to children the same way. Balloons, horns, small rides on mini carousels or Ferris wheels, and trick monkeys, and ice cream vendors walk the neighborhoods all day, calling out loudly or playing a recorded tune to announce the arrival and what is for sale. Males can come and go from home at will. Small children, boys and girls, can play outside the gates or doors if they live in a safe area or in neighborhood parks, They can wear western style clothes. They do not wear shorts and rarely short sleeves. At puberty the girls must begin staying in and their clothing changes from dresses to the countries moral clothing, the shalwar cameez and dupata head covering. Boys can wear either style at any age. Girls and smaller children are accompanied to school or college by a parent or a hired driver. The school day is only 5 hours long, but 6 days a week. Schools are everywhere and always within walking distance. Colleges are further away. School is paid for by tuition from parents each month. At puberty, girls and boys schools are schooled separately, except for the very wealthy who will co educated them in the older grades. High school completion is after the 10th grade. Grades 11 - 14 are considered college. Then university after that. Males rarely see unmarried females. In poorer areas women are more visible out of necessity for survival maybe working in gardens or fields, or begging in the streets for their families food. Men will never look upon the faces of single women. Marriages are always contractual arranged by male elders. When a child is of marrying age, male elders seek out suitable husbands through friends and friends of friends upon recommendations. Families are background checked and spoken too and contracts are made before arrangements are set. Brides are always virgins and divorce or re-marriage is rare. It is also likely for first cousins on the male’s side to marry each other. It keeps wealth within family units, but most marriages are arranged with unknown people. The weddings last three days and occur late at night. Women have a gathering for Mendhi on the first night with the groom’s family in attendance. The bride will not show her face during the 1st 2 days to anyone outside her family. She will not bathe, until the wedding. The 1st evening of mendhi she is led covered in gold and green shiny sequined clothes, to a chair decorated in gold. Here her family, and friends of family give her gifts of fruit, money and clothes. A female friend or relative decorates her in mendhi. Mendhi is a henna dye used as art on the hands and feet. Attendants of weddings usually decorate their skin this way. Many girls use it for something to do at home. The second evening is the actual wedding. Before the marriage by the imam, the male is showered in money. Wreaths of money are draped around his neck very ceremoniously. He is dressed in Gold Lame’ clothing and wears shoes of gold. There is usually a drummer, trumpeters, or a band dependant on wealth. Weddings are held in huge tents or clothed walled areas in the middle of streets or parks. No one minds them being blocked off for 2 days. The husband’s family strings up lights on houses like at Christmas in the neighborhood. They have open house 24 hours a day to feed perhaps hundreds of friends and family before the wedding. When the bride is finally ready at about 1 or 2 Am they have the actual marriage. Then they go to the marriage bedroom and take photographs of the marriage bed, which is decorated and/or covered in rose petals. The bride will sit on the bed for the photos then will be left alone with her husband so they can finally speak to each other and meet for the first time alone. Etc. etc. etc. The bride is brought to her husband’s home on the 3rd day with her entire family. Breakfast is served to all, and good byes are said. She will not see them for a long time. She will be allowed eventually to visit them occasionally. Kinship is recognized only on the male’s side. She will live with his parent’s cousins, siblings and his other in-laws. These extended families grow to 20 or 30 people at times. When fathers die, the sons may choose to start their own home, or stay. Beds are not plentiful, and 5-7 may sleep together in a room on bed and floor. Poorer may only have one bed. Families all sleep together in one or two rooms. Children sleep with parents for many years. They wear their full day clothes to bed and dress differently each morning. Arguments are rare. They are a mostly peaceful people in the family unit. There is harmony and sharing among the children. There are few toys to fight over and little rivalry due to a great closeness and deep family devotion and love. It is very refreshing to see.
Drugs.
Heroin is rampant in the NW frontier a tribal province of little law and government. Marijuana and Opium are grown here. Most of the guns are manufactured here. There are many drug addicts in this area. Aids is called a foreigners disease. It mostly occurs among the addicts by needle in this area or from poor control of blood supplies. Promiscuity and homosexuality are rare in the country, but do exist. Tobacco is grown and half of the men smoke, but few women. They all chew tobacco products that are mildly addictive, one is called Neswar, but more popularly used and sold in little shops is Pan. It is a red berry leaf containing the berry, herbs and mashed tobacco. It tastes sweet at first, then more bitter. It is very popular. It makes their teeth discolored and can cause oral cancers. Children and adults enjoy it and buy it occasionally.
Alcohol is forbidden by religion so is not sold to Muslims. It can however be purchased on Black Market or found in Intnl.. hotels and Facilities, or made at home.
Traffic.
There are many different modes of transportation. Only the wealthy and business people have cars. Those with good jobs have nicer motorcycles. Some men use buses, or are provided transportation by employers in vans. Pedestrians and bicycles are everywhere. The average person would hire a Tonga, a horse drawn wagon with a seat or two, or a motorized rickshaw a converted motorcycle. The driver sits on the bike seat and then behind him is a covered roof with seats in back for up to 3 passengers. They are very loud and contribute to most of the pollution. Others are seen traveling with horse, ox, or donkey drawn wagon beds, over loaded and hauling materials for sale or refurbishment and resale. The basic rule is me first. There are no rules. Driving is generally on the left, but anywhere is ok. Just use the horn a lot to get those old or handicapped, lame or crazy for being pedestrian people out of your way, because you are more important. Pass when and where you want. If someone cuts you off, stop, get out to meet them, and scream at them then move on, no fights, just words. If they don’t move after a few beeps, keep going maybe you will hit them, too bad so sad keep moving. There is no insurance for vehicles, so accidents are no problem. Yell and move on. Two lane roads have 8 lanes of traffic of all kinds going in all directions with few traffic lights. If the guy beside you has an itch on his arm, reach out and you can scratch it for him because that guy beside you is only an inch away from you no matter what you are riding in. If you hit the center of the intersection first, you change the direction of traffic for all behind you until someone cuts some one off or an animal wagon filled to the maximum gets in the way and traffic will then move in the other direction. Its ok if you are driving on the right or even straddling the middle line, they will go around you, no problem. When you are stopped prepare for the beggars showing you their mangled by traffic bodies. They can’t work now. They are the best drivers in the world if they can drive in Lahore Pakistan without an accident. Women do not drive. I totally trusted our drivers. I had a blast in the streets watching this entire scene each day. It was the most exciting part of most of my days. Oh, bring something to cover your nose; it stinks of fumes in the air and animal dung on the road. My Dupata came in handy here. That is what this overpopulated society has to face coming and going. to who knows where? Most often we traveled during lighter traffic times. I was more relaxed and could film my video. Most of the roads in the city are poorly repaired tar or dirt and brick. All are bumpy. It is always interesting to see the many sights. It smells of fumes, is over crowded, the air is polluted and very noisy from all the horns. It is like riding the Dodge-em cars at a fair only it’s for real. All along the roadsides are people, camels and sheep, oxen and goats. Dung is everywhere. Police drive up and down with machine guns and high-powered rifles. They shoot if necessary and question later. When I was leaving our friend who works at the airport told me when he saw me filming the armed police. That last week some men were having a problem with each other in the parking lot and the police just stood there and shot at them. How fortunate I felt to live in America.
Pakistani people are extremely resourceful. Nothing is wasted. Dumpsters are picked over every day for valuable scraps of paper, metals, glass, plastic etc. Dumpsters are rarely full because everyone’s junk really is someone’s treasure here. Everything is recycled in some way by some one. One the streets I saw wagons of different examples of trash, all headed to somewhere for someone to make money. Wagons of old tarps, wagons of scrap papers wagons of tin cans, wagons of old strings and ropes, and of old plastics containers. Old appliances are everywhere in front of shops being painted and fixed to resell. There are no junkyards. All car scraps are hand sanded, painted, repaired and re shaped or made into something else for sale. Machines are ancient and run on motors and hard rubber bands. If there is modern machinery it is from foreigners who work from there in factories because of the cheap labor. Wages are higher for these men at $50 a month for a twelve hr day and a 6 or 7day week.
Hospitality
Guests in Pakistan are always received formally and with honor. They are brought in to sit in a guest area and served refreshment of a full meal. It would be an insult not to partake of that. Shoes are not worn in any room so it’s always easy to see if someone is there by the pile of shoes outside the doorway. Leaving one-room shoes are put on and taken off to enter another. The host always stays with guest and family members if not participating in the visit will still come in to greet each person and shake their hand before going back to what ever they were doing. They brought me gifts each time they visited. Our family there is wealthy, so the house cleaner comes each day to sweep and wash the floor. She brings her granddaughter to help her. She is 10 and works instead of going to school. The older girls spend a lot of time preparing the days meals; they make one or two pot meals of lamb or chicken and add onion and spices. Some meals are accompanied by rice with chickpeas or green peas or Dahl, which is cooked, spiced split peas. Green vegetables are not as available as others. All foods are cooked to exceptionally well done and usually mixed together. A salad is made of sliced radish or cucumber and tomato, lettuce and many other vegetables are very undersized as though never fertilized. Fruits are plentiful. Nan, a flat bead is made fresh each day for meals. Silverware is rarely used. Commonly Kitchen tools and tools for men are often ancient and behind the US by 50 or more years, but some wealthy people have more modern tools. The flat bread serves as a spoon, or fingers are used traditionally. The rest of the time the older girls sit in their room or watch TV. When not in school, there is not much to do. They wash clothes, cook or sit. Sometimes they go up onto the roof or in the courtyard for fresh air. Sometimes older girls will tutor young children from family, or neighborhood for small wage.300 rs a month, (about $4) daily for 3 hrs. in religion study. Each day their father gives his children and wife a few rupees for spending, equal to about $2 or$3 total in a middle-income family.
Muslim Religion.
Each Muslim must adhere to 5 acts. They are called Pillars.
1 Belief that there is only one god, they use the word Allah in Arabic for god, and that Mohammed is his last prophet
2 pray 5X a day
3 provide for the poor
4 fast during Ramadan the holy month when Allah began his revelations to Mohammed.
5 Go to Hajj, a pilgrimage to the city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia once in your lifetime.
Jihad is popularly known as the 6th Pillar. It is the word that means Struggle. There are two types of Jihad. The struggle with your inner self, and the struggle of oppression in the practice of your religion.
Basics of the Religion are,
No Pork or pork products, no Alcohol, Moral life, sex only after marriage. Muslims men may marry Christian women or Muslim women only. Circumcision, Intense Study and memorization of Quran Holy scripture Allah gave to Mohammed, The Quran includes the Bible. There are some Interpretations in the Bible that Muslims feel are incorrect and will willingly explain why. Quran is in Arabic and has never been changed. Eid el zaha, the Slaughter/sacrifice, of animals while reciting words Bismilah allahu Akbar. (In the name of god) to symbolize (Abraham’s) and the Muslims submission without question to God. Meat is given away at 1/3 to poor, 1/3 to relatives and 1/3 kept for personal use. All parts inside and out that are not kept are given away. They may be only sold by those who receive as a gift. All must be used and not wasted, Size or amount of sheep. Goat, cow or camel is according to size of families this is called their Qurbani or obligation. Each time Mohammed’s name is used, it is followed by PBUH in writing and Peace be upon him when spoken. All prayer times in Islamic countries is scheduled by location of earth and moon. There are mosques all over the cities and villages of Pakistan. Each has several loud speaker systems that when it is the correct time to pray, some designated man will chant the Salat, words from the Quran that Allah spoke as a call to pray certain prayers. Namaz (prayer) begins at about 4:30 Am, at 6:30 AM an open informal prayer time not obligatory. The next is at noon, then 3:30, 6 Pm, at 8 pm. Some villages arrest those that do not stop to pray. In Most cities many times prayers are missed during business hours. Women must cover their heads during prayer times. Prayers are most often made on a Prayer rug called a Jainamaz. This rug is knelt on, but never walked on. Prayer is made any where one is comfortable in the home. For some occasions and holidays men will get together in the arks to pray, or at the Mosques. Badshai Mosque is the 2nd largest in the country and the courtyard the largest in the world. It can hold 100,000 people and is located minutes from where I stayed. It is built of red sandstone in 1674 AD and is the home of millions of dollars worth of Persian rugs for prayer, carved walls, and artifacts from the profit Mohammed pbuh.
Although Religion is a way of life here, life is very normal in all ways. They keep god and family first, then business, money and survival right behind it. The society as a whole I found to be warm, loving, hospitable & strongly family oriented. The business world is a frenzy, as survival depends on it. The merchants want your money and will bend over backwards to get it. They will open any packages and unfold cloth by the dozens to show you what they have. They bring you cold sodas or hot tea while you are in their shop and the sale is made. Shopping is very hospitable as though you are in their home not their business.
Pakistan’s possible war with India is always in the news. The average Indian and Pakistani living there are not worried. They say that this comes to the news each election time and is not news to them, Nothing will come of it. Elections are over. The egos and show of strength now unnecessary. I did not hear the name of Osama Bin Laden (bin means son of) while I was there one time. I was told how sorry they felt for our dead in NYC and Washington, and that the feelings of hate by them that we heard are not the feelings of the majority. The majority wants to be like us, and keep their culture at the same time. These people want to prosper and seem to lean toward western ways, in many aspects of life. They do have a lot of freedom to pursue their living and prosper with free trade and many other freedoms we enjoy. Over population means a lot of competition in all aspects of life and survival, they are rough around the edges as can be. Less than half are literate, but many are brilliant and highly educated people.
The city of Lahore is very industrial as is the city of Karachi. Half of the cities are as modern as any typical US city. There are many huge buildings built by foreign corporations are as grand as you would see anywhere. The government areas have beautiful homes that are as big as mansions. There are many Mercedes and other high priced cars in those areas. There are many universities and private hospitals there. Shops sell expensive clothing at western prices. The prices always were higher when they saw me coming no matter where I went, so I have nothing to make a comparison with. With the many foreign interests located in the cities, Pakistan has many exports of textiles & leathers as well as other crafted items, so I felt as though they were a fairly modern country in their thinking. From what I saw, and heard, the possibilities of being a viable world nation are there. But they just haven’t gotten the recognition needed to move forward to live up to that potential. The feeling there is that the people have many dreams of success and modernization, along with the means to achieve when the opportunity comes. I am sure past history has held them back, but they should not be underestimated. I got to know the family better and learned so much more about this culture and way of life. I learned a lot of the language. It is so NOT like everyone imagines there. It is a big world. People have lived there for hundreds of years. Families, just like here. I know it is different than we are used to, but everyday life there for them is like everyday life here for us. They have fewer resources that make things more difficult, but the values and love are surely there. In many ways we have lost some of the things they still have that were positive things in regards to the way of life. We have lost them because of the pace of our lives here. I found people I met to be caring and sincere, loving and generous. A stranger was only that for a moment, then they became a friend. They are very hospitable people. They never tire of sharing and helping each other. It was refreshing to see some ways I have not seen in my own country in a long time. Things that have long been neglected in family, in friend and in neighbor relations.
Some words I learned
1-10 ---eke, do, tin, char, Punge, chay, set, ot, no dus.
Dood is milk, cand is wall ,goosahana is bathroom, pawnee is water, dubaroti is bread.
Takia is pillow, chota is small, catab is book, badja is sit down, edera is come over here, cloja is stand up
Whadjagivay is O’clock dus whadjagivay is 10 o clock Ungly is finger, ungoota is thumb
Ank is eye, nok, nose, dent ,teeth, ball ,hair, honed, mouth.
Muchly, fish, murgee, chicken, Bacara, sheep, guy, cow, oont,camel.
UPDATE 2006
IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE OUR 2002 TRIP. WE RETURNED TO PAKISTAN IN 2004 FOR THREE MONTHS. IT WAS A LOT FOR ME TO BE AWAY THAT LONG. I ENJOYED SEEING THE FAMILY AS USUAL BUT I WAS HOMESICK AFTER A MONTH AND A HALF. HUMAIRA GOT ENGAGED, WE MET HER FUTURE IN-LAWS AND HAD DINNER WITH THEM A FEW TIMES. FARHAN SEEM'S VERY NICE. WE WERE UPSET THAT HIS MOTHER DID NOT SEE FIT TO COMPROMISE ON THE WEDDING DATE AND SCHEDULE IT FOR A TIME WHEN WE COULD COME, BUT IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST WITH US HERE IN THE USA ANYWAY.
THE WEDDING WENT AS SHE PLANNED IN APRIL OF 2005. HUMAIRA GAVE BIRTH TO BASEM IN APRIL OF 2006. HE IS QUITE THE CUTIE. I AM TOLD HE IS VERY ACTIVE. HUMAIRA PREFERS TO SPEND HER TIME AT THE FAMILY HOME IN SHADBAGH WHEN FARHAN IS AWAY IN LONDON, RATHER THAN STAY WITH HIS MOTHER WHO IS QUITE THE CHALLENGE. HE TOOK HER TO LONDON FOR A SHORT TIME. SHE RETURNED TO PAKISTAN DURING THE PREGNANCY AND GAVE BIRTH THERE. HE RECENTLY WENT BACK TO LONDON SO SHE IS ANXIOUS TO RETURN TO LONDON ALSO TO BE WITH HIM. HE IS MISSING OUT ON THE BEST TIMES WITH HIS SON. AZIM PLANNED TO RETURN THIS YEAR BUT IT HAS BEEN POSTPONED FOR A TIME. THERE IS A LOT HE NEEDS TO SETTLE AND STRAIGHTEN OUT WITH HIS FAMILY AND HE WANTS TO DO SOME THINGS FOR HIMSELF THERE. WE TRIED TO GET SOME FAMILY MEMBERS HERE BUT THAT DID NOT WORKOUT AND COST A LOT FOR NOTHING IN RETURN. OUR GOVT. AT WORK I GUESS. HONEST PEOPLE GET NOWHERE WHILE CHEATERS WIN.